Shame over kink

I find orgasm denial so erotic, but when I mentioned it to my wife she got so sad and said she would grow to resent me if we did it bc she finds cumming/PIV very connecting. I then of course told her I would never want to do something that would hurt her on any level so we decided not to move forward.

She does love to give me blowjobs so some time later I suggested we try a “lifestyle” where she can only cum while my cock is in her mouth. She would cum from a vibrator, wand, manual stimulation (me and/or her) etc. At first, she was hesitant and didn’t say yes. She asked if we could still have PIV a few times a month and I said yes. Then some time later she came back to me and said nevermind about the PIV request, that she now wanted to do it exactly how I requested and that she would find it connecting (so no need for PIV)

When I first came up with idea, I was really excited thinking I had found something that could work for us. But when she started negotiating, I felt like if we moved forward I would be taking something away from her. Her comment awhile back about resenting me if PIV was removed hit me hard. For the first time ever, I felt shamed and selfish.

Anyways, now I’m struggling with conflicting thoughts and emotions. Idk what to think or do anymore, and it’s formed a mental block I’m having trouble working through. Any advice? Anyone experience this?