how do u explain to ppl that cptsd ≠ not moving on

my family always says I let my trauma rule my life, I let it hold me back or I can’t let it go. it really upsets me because for one, I don’t white knuckle my trauma at all at least not on purpose and two they haven’t experienced what I have so how could they say such a thing?

I try to compare it to the grief they’ve experienced because it’s the closest thing. it’s always there lingering, you’re not always purposefully thinking abt it but there’s a hint of it everywhere. my mom would always say that happened years ago and would get annoyed if I mentioned the trauma but when I said “well grandma died 7 years ago would you feel it would be ok to say let it go to you?” I could tell it stuck with her. grief doesn’t rule her life just like trauma doesn’t rule mine, you just live life and try to coexist with it all.

my therapist once pointed out that I was having flashbacks. I asked her to explain how an emotional flashback works. She said if you imagine the taste of a lemon you can feel your mouth react to the sourness even though it’s not happening. It’s the same with emotional flashbacks.

I’ve moved on, I have great things finally happening, I have lived an entire life since then but I still struggle with going out because my body is always afraid of reliving certain things. my body will remind me of my grandmas funeral if I accidentally get a whiff of flowers. my body will panic over tiny things that make me nervous because too much stress too young overloads your brain. I can be super happy in life but I still face nightmares every night. hearing a fist slam on the table will make me feel like a little girl in fear all over again despite being 24. That’s just what trauma does. it’s like a pulled thread in a big sweater. the sweater is still beautiful but sometimes you’re reminded of the thread. you try so very hard not to tug at it but it’s always there sometimes u forget and then you remember. and that’s ok.