Used to hear voices, and it frightens me that theyre dissapearing. (ramble)

I had a rather bad time with an ex-boyfriend who was going through his own mental health stuff, and wound up (in my eyes unknowingly) assaulting me. We broke up soon after, I got help, was helped to understand that what happened was rape, and was slowly able to move on with my life, ish, sort of. As much as you can, I guess.

However, a bit after the rape happened, I began to hear voices. Not externally, but voices that were not mine, as if someone could hear my own thoughts, and inserted theirs into my mind in reply. Another voice, another opinion, another feeling, yet still in my head. The voice was an older man, no-nonsense, got annoyed if I "wasted time", in a way I still interpret as kind. I wasnt cool with hearing voices, but at the same time, I wasnt about to mention it to anyone, so months passed, and once I felt another presence, one I considered drastically more unnerving, I went to my psych to talk about it.

Her theory was that because of the large amount of stress, a traumatic event, my brain temporarily created a separate persona (this older man) to handle what I (as in myself, voice notwithstanding) could not. So, in lack of security, organization, certainty, my brain moulded a separate mask to provide that. She figured it'd go away with time, and as the voice wasnt dangerous, it was fine. Eventually, I was done with psychologists and sent on my merry way.

The voice was not a constant, and there could be weeks where it was gone, then days where I wished it would go away and shut up. There were two major points where I experienced extreme emotional states, one time where memories of the rape were intense, and another where I believe exhaustion and autistic burnout played a large part. Those times, it was as if I sunk back into the mine, taking the place of the voice, and the voice stepped into my body, as if we were changing clothes. I vividly remember sobbing so hard I thought I would choke, and then just going 'blank'. Like looking at the world through a camera as my body calmed, stopped crying in a heartbeat, with the voice speaking to me and telling me what it was doing, and my body doing exactly what he was saying. It felt like I was in a mech suit, and the voice, in the seat beside me, just took control and forced me to lay down as it handled the mech. That only happened twice, but its pretty hard to forget.

Beyond that, as there were the voice and not body part, it lasted long. I have journal entries where I wrote about it, and its been 3 years of hearing that voice.

Lately, its been 'fading'. Its very rarely there, and when it is there, it feels like Im being watched from within, that I am the camera it is looking through, yet it lacks the voice to speak. Based on my psych's theory, that should be a good thing of my mind sufficiently healed, no longer in need of a persona to 'take care of me' in a roundabout way, great. Except I'm incredibly conflicted.

I dont know what to do when that voice is gone. I could talk to it, I could bother it, it could practically claw at my brain to get me to eat or read something with more substance, or hear it organize my day for me to review. I understand I have one brain, that this is a part of my brain that is being interpreted oddly, but it made things a lot less lonely. I dont have close friends, dont have work. Without those voices, what am I to do? I dont know. It feels like a key part of my support system is dissapearing, and it almost feels alarming.