Everything's home so bad so fast.

Hello all!

I had Endo in my early 20s (now 35) and waiting for my consultation to rediagnosed. But I just need to get my feelings and thoughts out somewhere, this might be long so I apologize in advanced.

For context, Ive been pregnant five times, with one living child who was the first. The four losses have happened in the last two years (one ectopic where I lost my left tube), the last two were back to back this year with my second D&C in June.

I've had pain since my tube removal, the ectopic ruptured requiring surgery. While in surgery, my OB saw that my uterus was fully fused to my abdominal wall likely from the c section with my son, he says he removed what he could. The pain was mostly tolerable, usually around just periods and ovulation. Since my last D&C though, it's almost all the time.. to where it is severely impacting my quality of life. My US tech during that pregnancy was amazing and told me more than she probably shouldve, she left me know my right ovary is completely fused, it does not move at all making it very hard to visualize and that she has a feeling there's a significant amount of internal scar tissue causing all my pregnancy losses.

I met with a fertility Dr on Friday, which he said is also his guess. He fully believes that my uterus is more than likely compromised with scar tissue and that the scarring from my c section is probably what caused me to have my ectopic in the first place... There was a whole lot more disappointing things, but that not why I'm here.

This pain is getting out of control. Its not just when I ovulate or around periods anymore. Its whenever it feels like. I get horrific stomach cramps, almost contraction or bad gas type feelings that leaves me bending over having to breath through it. Where my tube was removed feels like there's a giant charlie horse in my groin, causing pain to go down my legs. The bloat is SO real, some days I have a almost flat (for me) stomach while others it looks like I'm a few months pregnant. I've started getting nauseous during my periods. I get horrible hot flashes during my ovulation and period windows. I get stabbing pains randomly in my bootyhole. And sometimes it just feels like I'm holding a weight in my lower stomach, near my c section shelf, the pressure is AWFUL.

This is all just exhausting. My D&C was horrible, they had to really "poke around deep" inside due to my uterus being abnormally large this time around and I feel like that's what set off this chain reaction and I just don't know what to do. I have pain meds that don't touch the pain. But I'm just mentally and physically exhausted. I feel like a horrible mom to my son, he's watched me go through all these losses and now this pain, I've had to cancel so many things or come home early from things due to pain. I'm not always in the best mood, but I'm trying. When the pain is really bad, the anxiety is through the roof. I'm just lost. I managed to track down my surgeon from back when and have an apt with him in October, but at this rate I don't even know how I'm going to make it that long.

Thank you if you sat and read all that, I know it's alot but I been in bed all weekend crying.. I just want my body and my life back.