How to awaken my spirituality?

All my life I have tried to gain some sort of spiritual connection. Have been a Christian all my life, went to Bible College, witness miracles and have known many people and friends around me gain deep spiritual connection. For me, no matter how hard I try, how much I meditate or try to open myself up I never could feel anything. Lately I have been reading and watching videos on general spirituality (not just Christianity), as while I still believe in a God and still consider myself a Christian (for lack of a better word), I also feel that everything from God, aliens, reincarnation, whatever. I feel like its all connected and that they dont necessarily contradict one another. So I am open to teachings outside Christianity as well.

I watched several Darius J Wright videos and they resonated with me. And I also stumbled upon an "Earth School" video and while I normally would have laughed and said "thats ridiculous" for some reason it felt like it clicked. Not saying I think thats "the answer", but it did pique my curiousity.

Now I've returned to once again attempt to feel some sort of spiritual connection, and as usual I have followed many guides and videos on relaxation, OOBE, binaural beats and frequencies (last night I used the brainwaves app and fell asleep with a custom beat using Theta, a carrier freq of 100hz, beat freq of 6.30 hoping to maybe meet a spirit guide, God, anything to learn something.

Just slept through the night and remembered nothing. Now sure its possible I may have gone OOB and learned the meaning of life, but if I did I remember nothing.

My question is what do you recommend doing to train myself or induce myself to be receptive. Or any videos you may have found helpful.

I feel a sudden, inexplicable urge to seek knowledge, no...understanding of purpose and true spirituality. I even looked up the soul contract based on my name, though I dont fully understand the results beyond what google said.