I feel tired.

I feel tired. I feel bad.

My mental health is getting worse every day.

I feel like my life is becoming increasingly meaningless. I feel like I'm taking up space and air from someone who deserves it more.

I was born my parents' third unwanted child. They always dreamed of having only two, but they had two girls, so they thought I'd be a boy. I was born a girl.

I was always the unwanted addition to my family. The most ignored child. No one cared about me, and my sister hated me because I stole her position as the youngest.

They think I'll never amount to anything. They said it plainly. They preferred to invest in my cousin because she's smarter and better.

I was bullied at school by my peers and at home by my sister until she moved abroad. I was told it was my fault I was being bullied because if I were more normal, no one would bully me.

I thought that once I finished primary school, I'd at least get out of one hell of a situation. I was wrong. As soon as I started school, my depression escalated to three suicide attempts.

After the third attempt, they showed some interest in me. Then the spell broke when my sister, who hated me, had a baby. They made me an unpaid nanny at 15. They even expected me to drop out of high school because "I'll be nothing anyway and it's not worth investing in me." I barely passed.

I know they preferred my cousin and everyone else. Just never me. I'm never important.

My mother has said more than once that if I were like my sisters, she would love me more. It's just that... I don't understand why she prefers them. One sister's debts were being paid off, while the other couldn't cope with the child, and our mother was raising him.

As for my nephew, everything he's done and his behavior is my fault. When I was at the store, where they sent me, my nephew fell in the yard while I was still there, so somehow it was my fault. I was called irresponsible. Yesterday they said his bad behavior was my fault and I had to move out because I was a bad influence on him.

I suspected autism, but my mother couldn't accept it, so she faked the answers because I was underage. She argued that she was "helping" me because "I wouldn't have to pay special fees, so it would be easier for me to function in the world." She gleefully told me she faked the results and then said, "Have you considered how your nephew would feel if he found out he had a weird aunt?"

I don't have many friends. I didn't have time to see them because of my nephew, so a lot of my high school connections fell apart. Ironically, they made fun of me for not having many friends, but when I did see them, they punished me with quiet days because "I'd rather go out with my friends than take care of my nephew."

A day without name-calling and blame is a day wasted for them. I was beaten in front of my sister and her child because I refused to pay my oldest sister's debts. Our mother said it was my fault and that I should get myself together (I had a concussion) and go to bed if nothing happened. She also said I ruined everyone's Christmas.

My mother also talks nonsense about me to my sisters, and they talk nonsense to her, and so the spiral of turning on me continues. They've also included my father.

I've often asked why they hate me so much. They'd just laugh and say, "If you tried harder, things would be different." I asked what "try harder" meant to them, but I heard nothing. Only silence.

Now I have a new problem—I don't want to go to college. I wanted to save up for a car, but well... my parents found out, not from me, but from my sister, and they hated me even more.

They said that if I didn't want to go to university, I should leave home. My sisters don't have a university degree, one only has primary school, and the other is unemployed and dependent on them (she lives with us). But somehow they're better than me and of course they'll give them money and help. Not me. I don't deserve it. I'm inferior and not worth worrying about. And insults, why can't I be like my mother's friend's daughter (she went to law school).

I don't want to live anymore. I'm a coward for wasting space and oxygen on someone else. I hate myself and see no point in life, and I don't see a better tomorrow. Nothing keeps me alive. However, I won't kill myself because I'm afraid of death. I'm disappointed with the world I have to live in—one that constantly disappoints.

Ultimately, I was told I was a disappointment and that I'd ruined everyone's mood because I decided to spite them. My sister won't talk to me because she thinks it's all my fault and that our parents are mad.

I know I'm a disappointment and a failure, and I'm worthless, but I don't need to be reminded of that every day. Simply saying, "I know that, you don't have to remind me every day," didn't work. They called me names, saying it was a shame my suicide attempt hadn't succeeded, so they'd have peace of mind. For them, a day without insults and blame is a day wasted.

I just want them to finally love me... just the way I am.