I am fucked!!!!

Guys, I’m seriously freaking out.

I’m the kind of person who can barely handle even one beer. I rarely drink, and I’m generally very conscious about my health, so getting drunk is not something that happens to me often. But somehow, when I do drink, I seem to completely lose my inhibitions.

The last time I got drunk, I kissed a mutual friend whom I find very physically attractive. He has apparently liked me since our college days, and it’s been about a year since we graduated. I’ve always noticed the way he looks at me and the attraction between us, but I deliberately kept things platonic because I didn’t want to complicate or ruin our friendship.

After that incident, I felt incredibly guilty and embarrassed. I regretted kissing him because, deep down, I didn’t want to cross that line. I decided that I would never let something like that happen again.

And then today, I got drunk again.

I’m literally still drunk while writing this, and I’m so embarrassed that I don’t even know how to process what happened. At one point, I took my top off in front of him. I have never done anything like that in my life, and it feels completely unlike me.

What makes this even more confusing is that he has been attracted to me for a long time, and I know there’s some mutual physical attraction. But I’ve always believed that intimacy should happen within a serious, exclusive relationship with someone I genuinely love. So this situation is really difficult for me to reconcile with how I see myself and what I believe.

The one thing I’m grateful for is that he did not take advantage of me. In fact, he kept insisting that he wouldn’t do anything with me while I was drunk. I really appreciate that, but I’m still extremely embarrassed about what I did.

Now I’m stuck wondering what I should do next.

Should I talk to him about what happened once I’m sober? Should I apologize? Should I pretend nothing happened and just move on? I’m also scared that talking about it might make things even more awkward or potentially ruin our friendship.

I genuinely don’t know how to handle this, and I could really use some perspective from people who have been in a similar situation.

What would you do in my position?