Very grateful to my ex. But i'm also so sad. Kind of confusing

I'm going through my first break up (< 1 year relationship) and I'm so sad.

I initiated the breakup a couple weeks ago because I think we were incompatible in ways that I personally didn't have capacity to work through/handle for various reasons.

Given that, I met my ex for a final talk a couple days ago and i was so sad. we had sent a couple messages between the break up and the talk. I think we both were unsure and waffling with the decision. I wanted to try again, I think out of fear of losing him. At the talk he said he decided that we shouldn't try again and he was firm but kind with me. The talk lasted like 30 minutes but he stayed a few more hours to comfort me and spend some last time together. It was heartbreaking in a good way. We caught up a bit, laughed about some stuff, reminisced, and had a heartfelt goodbye.

Looking back at the talk. I think he was really sad just like me. I'm sure it wasn't easy to be firm. I'm very glad he was. Maybe not so purely selfless because I think he had his own reasons to not continue, but I still feel like that whole talk was one last act of care, affection, and protection from him. I had told him before that I was scared our relationship will turn into something ugly and full of hatred if we were to force things. So I feel like him being firm about not continuing was a hard but right decision that I'm glad he had the strength to choose for us.

He was so gentle and kind with me. I think we were really good to each other but the substance in our connection just didn't come as naturally as both of us wanted. Fundamentally, we both wanted to experience life in different ways.

I was so scared of being in relationships before this. I think he really showed me that love can be sweet and kind. That we are capable of walking away and making it through loss. That I'm capable of loving and being loved.

I dont know its like really weird. I feel more courageous. I feel more capable of love. I feel stronger.

But I'm also so so sooo sad we won't be in each other's lives and I want to be angry it didn't work out but when I think about him and our relationship, I can only feel sadness, appreciation, nostalgia, and gratitude.

I thought it would hurt differently so i'm a little confused. Im like springing from immense gratitude to immense sadness. What a roller coaster :( Am I delusional LMAO