I Gave You Me

I never wanted it. I never looked for it. But he looked my way. He said he saw something in me. He said all he could see was me. He said he loved being with me. He said I looked pretty. He said maybe it was love. I never wanted it, but he came into my life. I was too shy and too scared to understand what I was beginning to feel. I wanted to say no. I wanted to understand how I felt. I wanted to know how I spent my time with him. I wanted to know how kind my heart could be. I really never wanted it... but somehow, he found his way to me. He held my hand and said, "The world will never understand." "I love you. I like you. I want to be with you." And I could never understand why someone would choose me. Why someone would look at me that way. Why someone would want me. I couldn't understand it, and maybe I never truly will. But when I saw his eyes, when I heard his voice, something inside me paused. And for a moment, I felt happy. I felt doubts. I felt confused. I felt overwhelmed by everything I was feeling. But somewhere in all that confusion, I felt love. I never really knew what love was. I didn't know if I understood it. But then there was this strange kind of happiness, something wild and unfamiliar, something that felt like it belonged only to us. Maybe... just maybe... that was love. And I accepted it. I gave him my eyes. I gave him my heart. I gave him my emotions. I gave him my path. I gave him everything. And by giving him everything, I gave him me. We never thought we weren't deserving of each other. We failed. We laughed. We cried. We fought. But we never thought about leaving. Until that one word— "But." That little word changed everything. It was enough to make us stop. Enough to change what we had. Enough to make everything we built feel like it had an ending. I felt it deeply. So deeply that I cried. And then it was gone. I knew it was gone. There was no holding on anymore. No love that I could feel. Only me, falling further and further. He was walking away from me. Farther and farther. The light was getting dimmer. He was slowly fading from my sight. He had been my everything. He held my heart. He held my emotions. He was my everything. And I chased him. I chased him. And chased him. And chased him. Until he stopped. He turned toward me. But his eyes... I couldn't recognize them anymore. Those were the eyes I once knew. The eyes I once felt I could see myself in. He came close to me. He kissed my hands. He kissed my forehead. He had been my pride. My hope. I felt the pain. And I accepted it. I thought maybe the pain would make him stay. Maybe he would look at me again the way he used to. The way I had always wanted him to. But he turned again. And started walking away. Farther. And farther. All I could do was watch him disappear. I kept reaching for him as he crossed the distance between us. I shouted. Again and again. But all that came back was my own echo. He broke something inside me, and all I could do was watch. I waited. Again, I felt the pain. I waited for him to look back at me. And for a moment, he turned. But then he kept walking. And I was still there, barely holding myself together. I could barely move. Still, I crawled forward. Slowly. Slower and slower. And he turned again. But this time, it felt like he was turning only to break my world once more. Then he started walking again. Farther. And farther away. He was leaving. And all I could do was watch. Watch him fade away. With my eyes, with all my emotions, with everything I had left inside me. He had taken my everything. And now... I felt empty. There was anger too. His anger. My anger. But even anger couldn't fill the emptiness. All I could feel was this huge, silent space inside me. A void. Nothing. I couldn't see anything anymore. It was gone. Everything was gone. And then he just left. Saying, "I never loved you." Saying, "You can't make someone love you." But how could I understand that? How could someone who once looked my way, who made me feel seen, who held my hand, who kissed my forehead, who became my everything... suddenly say that none of it was love? He took my everything. And now I was left with nothing but myself, standing in the emptiness, looking for the pieces of me that I had shattered somewhere along the way.

And maybe the hardest part was not losing him, but finding myself after I had given him everything 🫠