tale as old as time: host trying to get into the inner world

hi! did system here, just traumagenic origin

everyone else in my system is really good at being in the inner world and interacting with it and each other in it

im the host and i SUCK at it

im also the one who knows the least about our system, because i suppressed them for so long (i have profusely apologized). everyone else is so knowledgeable...

everytime i dont front, i get pulled back to the front every couple minutes because im so attached and posessive of the front. so i never get to hang out much in the innerworld :( or do it very well even when i manage to :(. my other alters quickly become exhausted by this and its gotten to the point that theyre starting to not even want to front, because im just going to get pulled back in anyway so whats the point?

we also have ocd so that doesnt help

and ive tried visualizing letting go of the front, but ocd always corrupts whatever i visualize, which also includes my movements inside of the innerworld. so i often just stand stuck there in back unable to move because im so plagued by that disorder...

any advice :')?

(im not in therapy, i cant afford it btw so please dont suggest that)