TW for mention of suicidal ideations

Lunch is a shitty breakfast sandwich from the dinning hall.

So I (19m) am a freshman in a college   
35 minutes away from home in Wisconsin. I have cerebral palsy and multiple learning disabilities (NVLD, Dyscalculia, ADHD). I did not want to go to this school. But my parents begged me to choose a school in our city.

I wanted to go out of state. But my parents said I must choose an in state school. So I chose UW-Milwaukee because I love the city and it was far enough away to where I felt that I had freedom. My parents agreed initially but quickly went back on that. Saying things like “You going to Milwaukee in the fall is a fantasy and delusional.” And “You’re gonna need help every two days and we can’t drive there that often.”  
My mom literally cried to me right before decision saying “I don’t have the capacity to support you. You’re ungrateful. Think of all that I’ve done for you.”

This went on for months and I’m super confident avoidant every attempt to stand by my decision to go to UWM ended up in me reversing my decision and agreeing to stay in Madison. Even though I never wanted to.

This absolutely fucked my mental health. I now believe I can’t trust my own abilities or that my thoughts align with reality. I was diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety and for the first time ever I had passive suicidal ideations.

So here I am at a super expensive private school I didn’t want to go to, a school that represents everything I hate about myself and my parents. I hate it here. And the worst part is that none of my parents fears have come true. I’ve not needed their help with anything except for one thing I needed to text them about. But they are now all happy because I did what they wanted. They’re acting like everything is fine and they were the best parents ever.

I’m working my ass off trying to get good enough grades to transfer to my dream school, University of Minnesota, next year, and once that happens I’m seriously thinking about not really talking to my parents. I know they love me but I’m at the point where I don’t even want to see them. I only want to see my siblings. My parents have taken no accountability for my mental health and I want them to somehow realize how much they put a wedge in our relationship.

Life is hard guys:(

Considering going low contact with my parents - TW for mention of suicidal ideations