I lost all my friends

I’m currently a university student and I had a very tight friend group I was always lonely my whole life with my parents being pretty absent and my school friends collapsing but I was very strong with my uni friends and eventually when we moved in together it almost felt perfect like for some part of me I felt like I belonged in a family we done Halloween together and chrismas together small holidays invited family for us to meet and it felt perfect to me. One day I kinda lashed out I was going through so much with my girlfriend at the time and I was so exhausted from my argument with her of 7hrs that eventually I lashed out at my roommates having a mental breakdown and tried to overdose on alcohol and some of my prescription pills luckily I survived but honestly it feels like I’m live a fate worse than death. This bond I used to have with my friends died with it, I apologized what happened to me back and apologized to them on what I said to them but nothing had changed. Exact words being they can’t trust me . me and my ex kept constantly fighting after that point and I never had any friend to talk about my problems to so I kinda had to bottle this up usually me just crying alone at the edge of my bed When my birthday came, none of these guys said happy birthday, when I was admitted to the hospital for kidney stones some didn’t even acknowledge that I was in pain or in bed rest even when my mom texted them about my condition hardly some of them asked about it but others didn’t care, when I broke up with my ex of 7 months no one asked if I was ok or how I was doing and funny thing is recently I had to I had to be on temperory leave for my final year due to medical reasons , as I had a seizure doc said I needed to be close to my family , in case of a reoccurrence as I told my friends I was scared to tell them this news that I won’t be coming back to the house for a while which would disappoint them as we already made a deposit and finding a roommate in a short notice aswell as the estranged relationship I’ve had with them this year felt like the cherry on top. I told one who I could count on in the group when I told him abt the medical issue he was shocked and told the other guys for me in a group of 5 guys only 1 asked about my issue and it was the person I told , even when I tried reaching out I get leave on seen or delivered. I want to clarify I don’t think any of these people are bad people they helped me through my worst times and was with me at my best aswell but after the overdose they view me as a liability having me in the same roof now rather than a friend now .It’s just making me question a lot about myself and my character and my worth. If the people who knew me don’t want anything to do with me what does that say about me. after that overdose their priorities changed about me and I’m feeling completely lonely. I don’t have someone to talk about my problem for the sake of it or have someone to listen every conversation feels transactional. And it makes me cry every night that I don’t have someone to talk to not my family with this stuff not my cousins and especially not my friends. To me when I told them I’ll be gone for a while I think they were overjoyed cuz when I told my roommate this he told me in his own words “ yeah I filled the guys in about what happened and it was peak” more and more I’m losing hope and would love someone to talk to about anything