29M Making mental progress w coming to terms but still struggle w somethings

Its been a long road with struggling with sexuality. Mainly bc of the stigma from society and insecure straight guys. But made a lot of progress this year thanks to my other bisexual friend I got introduced to.

Ever since I was very young I knew immediately I was bi bc my other guy friends were doing shit and I always thought the curiosity was interesting. It started off w me making a move at my first job I got feelings for a boy he didn't reciprocate then got feelings for a girl I somewhat liked when I smoked w her.

My family made it hard to understand myself by being the typical "right-leaning church" family. I started taking therapy talking to different therapists and they said yeah your bi and it seems cool in my head bc I can pull both, but pisses me off bc they are labeling me when I still struggle.

Over the summer I approached my mom saying I'm not gay even though she caught me when I was younger looking at gay porn. I explained to her I find it interesting but my last was a girl and it was amazing w her.

I do have experiences w both boys and girls, would bend both ways but wouldn't do stuff w boys and wouldn't do stuff w girls, like draw a line w sexual acts.

At times I'm talking to both genders on text and IRL talking to one or the other and sometimes they get jealous or confused. I don't mean to come off as "nonexclusive" but I just like to have fun while I'm still young.

The thing that peaks my interest the most is when I'm talking to guys on grinder I'm a top masc twink and seeing other bottom masc twinks who are more to terms w their sexuality. Makes me a little jealous they figured themselves out earlier than me.

My family doesn't really know much about my interactions w guys but just last night I sent my sister a picture of a guy im talking to, but I lied on how I met him, I said tiktok when it was grindr xD.

I came to realize I never came out to my parents as "gay" or "bi" but I feel like if I'm in a really really good mood I wouldn't mind bc I love the rush of guys and how its like your better other self.

Sometimes I also get turned off by guys and girls bc energy or needs, my standards are very very high. Even hear some really crazy shit on grindr and just delete the app from time to time. Most girls don't know im BI and it seems like they don't have a problem but if they come on too strong I get extremely turned off and almost disgusted, rejecting them.

Some advice I would have for everyone is, just have fun explore while your young still, maybe have a threeway and just share love with your partners. And also you don't need to come out because in the end its a battle between you and you only. Your parents made you, and in the end its your life not anyone else.