How do I stop analyzing my intrusive thoughts? Feeling lost!

REPOST. This got deleted somehow?

Hi everyone. I’m struggling really badly with intrusive thoughts and I’m hoping someone here can help me understand how to deal with this thought pattern. I was recently diagnosed with OCD, so I’m still trying to understand it, and I’m honestly embarrassed to post this because this involves a sexual trigger. I’m still very new to understanding OCD and I’m feeling really lost about how to handle this, so I’m hoping this sub can help me label this specific thought pattern and share how to manage it without spiraling into compulsions. (TW: Sexual Intrusive Thoughts)

There’s a particular sexual act that has always been an absolute hard boundary for me. I’ve never wanted to do it and I still don’t. But recently I’ve been having intrusive thoughts about it constantly, and now it is making me question whether I actually want it.

A few months ago, I was reading one of my comfort books (that I had never finished) and came across a sexual scene involving this act. I also ended up seeing people online talking about how pleasurable it is and saying things like it’s the “best” or that people who don’t like it are boring. I think that really triggered me, because ever since then my brain has completely latched onto it.

The part that scares me most is that sometimes when I think about it, I notice a physical tingling/sensation in that area. It doesn’t necessarily feel pleasurable, but then my brain immediately goes, “What if this means you secretly like it? What if you actually want to do it? What does it mean that I keep thinking about it?” Then I start analyzing everything like whether I really want it, whether I’m just scared to admit that I want it or have other fears surrounding it, how my body reacted, whether the thought felt exciting, etc., and the more I analyze it, the more confused and scared I become.

I also saw a post on another subreddit from someone who was describing a very similar thought process about this same sexual act. She was asking questions because she was having similar feelings and was talking about how her boyfriend kept asking her about it. Someone in the comments said something along the lines of, “I’m going to assume that because you’re thinking about it and asking about it, you must want to do it and have some curiosity or desire to do it.” The person who made the post responded that she actually didn’t want to do it and was only asking questions because she was trying to understand her feelings. And I guess because I’ve been having such similar thoughts, that comment really got stuck in my head too. Now I worry, “What if that applies to me? What if the fact that I keep thinking about it and fixating on it means I actually secretly want it?”

I KNOW that constantly checking and researching this online is probably making the OCD worse, and I’m planning to take a break from Reddit/social media after making this post. I just really want to figure out how to respond to this kind of “What if I secretly want this?” questioning without getting pulled further into analyzing it, because I’m having such a hard time trusting my own feelings right now.

I’m sorry this is so long and all over the place. I just wanted to explain everything because I’m having a really hard time with this.