Struggling to cope with the thought that I’m my own support system

Literally feel like I’m going crazy as someone that didn’t grow up with emotional support and only had my basic needs met and was considered “the easy child” because I suppressed my emotions as best as I could. The other day I texted my aunt(from dad’s side) after she told me last time I visited that I could reach out to her because she’ll be there for me. Wrong, I was told to suck it up and just ignore the anxiety my mom causes me and to just focus on myself but she doesn’t understand that’s what I’m already trying to do but it’s impossible especially when I still live at home.

I already feel so lost and useless I regret telling her how I felt. Honestly I deserve it I don’t know why I thought this time would be different, a different time when I had expressed to her that I felt lonely(mom discourages me from socializing with anyone outside of the family.) she basically told me that people suck and I’m not missing out on anything. I’d go to therapy if I could afford it but I’m also hesitant about it because of a bad experience with one during my late teens. I’m starting to think I’m meant to be alone and I’m too damaged to have anyone in my life anyway I’d just be a burden anyway.