I insulted my ex-boyfriend who says I have, “psychologically damaged” him and we need to talk. How do I address his feelings?

Hi. I dumped him three days ago because he lies. Not just this time, but this was the most damaging lie. I knew commenting about his penis would hurt the most, so that’s what I did.

He went to a music festival. He said his phone would remain on, because he wants me to be able to contact him, and he needs to be available for his two kids just in case. This was HIS expectation he presented to me. I enjoy music festivals and I know the best times are spent off your phone, so I really loved that he offered this. It was a nice way to feel secure because I didn’t think to ask him for this.

Well his phone didn’t stay on, it was off around 8pm when I had called him just ONCE, to say goodnight. and I received a very nonchalant response from him the next day around noon. I found out later he met a woman that night and sang with her at a campfire until 4am. They exchanged social media but he exchanged his personal profile with her, not his music profile—and made more plans to sing with her. When I discovered this, I asked him why he kept this a secret. To me, this sounds like an intimate evening with a woman.

It was like pulling teeth watching him “try to remember” who she is. When he finally got honest, he told me she reminded him of his ex-girlfriend before me, whom sang really well. I asked him to explain \*\*\*why\*\*\* he kept it a secret, and instead of answering in 1st person, he spoke in these grand metaphors and analogies, ultimately stating that I cannot understand because I’m not a musician like him.

At this point I was beyond frustrated because I just wanted him to speak clearly instead of confusing me with flowery language. I couldn’t help it, I was crying and I felt desperate, my body was shaking I was so sad and confused. He told me to “shut the fuck up.” and I cried harder. He told me that this random woman is “better” than me when it comes to singing and that’s why he lied about his night with her. He laughed a bit when he said this to me.

This comment really hurt me. I never sang with him, though I always wanted to, because I love to sing, and I write songs too, but the way he is with music is so pretentious I’ve been nervous to do it. So at this point I’m done. I’m angry. I yell at him that his “dick isn’t any “better” than the men I’ve been with before.” It was immature of me, but that shut him up. After I left, he blew up my phone saying the worst things. I blocked him.

Today he emailed me, stating that I need to talk with him on the phone and apologize. The comment about his penis caused “psychological damage” and if I don’t talk to him it will “ruin him.” He assures me he’s not being dramatic, but he wants to die.

I responded to his email by assuring him I only said that comment about his penis because I was hurt. I shared local crisis resources, and encouraged him to contact his therapist. I told him I wouldn’t be responding to further messages. He’s refusing to accept that. His emails go to spam now, but when I read them, it’s just him telling me how damaged he is now.

I’m nervous because I don’t want him to hurt himself.