my mother is destroying me, always looking for a fight. what can i do?

trigger warning for self harm

earlier today, my mother told me she had made plans with my friend and her mother (that coincidentally happens to be my mother's friend), involving me, without asking me if it'd be alright beforehand. it would've involved going out for multiple hours, a lot of social interaction, etc. i would've not made said plans in the first place, since i'm going through a very bad depressive episode and have no energy lefr to talk to anyone.

when i told her i wouldn't go, she completely freaked out. she insulted me and called me a bitch, but that was that. a couple of hours later, however, is when it got really bad. she barged in my room and started yelling at me, saying that "no wonder no one wants to be with me". i've had social issues all my life (my psychologist thinks i may be autistic, we're working on that) so obviously that was very hurtful. she continued saying that she'd go out with my friend and her mother so she could tell them that "i clearly despised them", since i "didn't want anything to do with them". (this is not true at all!! i love my friend!!!)

that turned into an hour of her screaming at me through the door, saying all sorts of nasty things, such as: "you're going to be alone forever"; "now i can't go out, it's always your fucking fault" (she could've gone alone, like she said she would?); "only YOU are the problem, you ruin everything". and etc.

whenever she starts yelling at me like that (she does this often) i find that the only thing that gives me relief is self harming. i don't know how she realized i was doing so, but she also yelled through the door "cut deeper! and cut more!". it was extremely distressing to have her yell that out on top of everything else. i ended up doing just what she told me to. it was like she heard me sobbing and knew i was struggling, so she looked for anything to make it infinitely worse for me.

she came by my room about half an hour later. i was hiding in my closet like a little kid because i was (and still am) scared shitless. there was also a bloody mess on the floor that i know she saw.

she spoke in a very soft voice, apologizing to me, saying she wouldn't do it again. the words wouldn't even begin to leave my mouth. she also wanted to give me a hug, i'm supposing because i had asked her for one earlier in the day and she denied it. the only word i could get out was "no". a part of me wanted that hug and "comfort", but how could i? she encouraged me to harm myself, insulted me, yelled at me, crossed every boundary i tried to set..

when i told her that i didn't want a hug, or to talk, she just left the room. but not before slamming my door shut as hard as she could (so much for a calmer attitude, i guess)

now, another few hours later, she's angry-texting me. she's claiming i hit and insulted her. the insulting part is true, i yelled back the first time she started insulting me. i know it wasn't right, but the second the first insult towards me left her mouth i just insulted her back. i don't know why. i also apologized for it before she started yelling at me again.

but the hitting part is nowhere near true. i have not touched her in a few days, let alone hit her. she's so insistent on it and i know what i saw and lived through, that never happened. she's looking for more and more things to make me the bad guy, desperately holding onto anything and everything i said today and just straight up making stuff up.

(as i was making this she literally called me to fight with me. i left the house a while ago so i didn't have to deal with her bs anymore and she called me to say i'm an abuser, that i embarrassed her infront of everyone, and that i should go fuck myself, amongst other things)

what should i do? i feel like i'm going insane. i'm beyond exhausted and still can't walk properly. i cannot even form a thought right now and i don't wanna mess this up even further. it's very tiring having to deal with this every day. i recorded her yelling at me/calling me to pick a fight and i can't even listen to the recordings without sobbing. i thank anyone that even read this at all