I hate my fucking parents so much

I started practicing and got hyperfixated on things like witchcraft and manifestation which already started to help me feel better (atleast the manifestation part.) and my parents are nosy and they just went in my room, they have a thing for invading my privacy and going through my stuff.

Today my mom picked me up from school and she told me my dad went in my room and picked up all my witch stuff even things i spent my own money on And maybe even things non witchcraft related which makes me really upset. I immediately felt the need to start pulling at my hair and grabbing it etc because I couldn’t regulate myself. It’s been 10 minutes and i just stopped crying. My eyes were swollen and puffy and my head hurts from hitting myself so hard. It was like I was just continuously involuntarily crying and I couldn’t stop.

It’s not even the fact that he did it that makes me upset. It’s the fact that they ruin everything. I’ve been struggling for years and it’s either when things just start getting better they ruin it or make everything I’m going through significantly worse. I don’t know what the hell happened or if it had something to do with my autism but it was like I couldn’t control myself and I was crying uncontrollably. When I would think about all the times they made things in my life worse, when they could have stepped in to prevent the worse from happening, the more frustrated I got. The years of verbal, physical, and sexual abuse. The time where I was preyed on by an older man and I got punished for it, the years of neglect and having weighed 321 pounds at 11, the fact that my parents aren’t like normal parents. It’s all screwed but everything they did kept playing in my head and I got more and more frustrated. My entire life they’ve always made everything worse or ruined everything and I’m tired of it. I also had just got back from school and mind you I have no friends and am alone all day and everyday is spent debating whether I’m a bad person and deserve to live or not.