I will never be a woman

I do not care what anyone says. If I cannot be 100% unclockable and a beautiful passoid then I may as well be dead and will be soon. There is no point. My body and brain are poisioned by testosterone beyond repair and I have no interest in pretending im a real woman otherwise. Exhausting myself for some stupid illusion or to "affirm" myself. Every "ma'am" or correct gendering I've ever received was by people playing into my delusions out of kindness or pity, and every picture I've taken of myself looks horrific and disgusting. I need a way out of this life now