getting very frustrated

it took me several weeks to lose just 3-4 pounds. i had to cut so many calories to achieve this and exercise so hard. i was sleeping 12-14 hours bc it was so hard on my body. then in the past three weeks, i gained it all back and then some, and an extra inch around my waist.

i am so frustrated and angry. i feel like i have to suffer just to lose a few pounds and very slowly at that, then i take a break and eat at "maintenance" so i can rest like a normal person and not oversleep and miss my entire life basically (i missed several appointments that were extremely important) and all that hard work goes down the drain.

my tdee is 1700 and i measure every calorie and unless i had a treat that day i barely even break 1500 most days. i should be steadily losing weight but i do not because every bite i eat turns to fat.

i'm trying to cut calories again and i cant sleep for hours and hours when i do this, because i also cannot fall asleep on an empty stomach. this is bad because i have work to do. if i cut enough calories to finally lose weight then i must risk my job, i must put myself in a barely functional state.

the last time i lost enough weight to become a "healthy weight" it was because i had so little appetite and was severely depressed, all i could manage eat was a few pieces of toast per day. i would eat so little i got light headed all the time and lost hair i think too. but it was the only way to lose 30lb and even then it took 1-2 years. i cannot see a way to do this sustainably.