Can a relationship survive when both people have crossed each other’s boundaries?

Our relationship started casually while we were working in the same office. Soon after, he confessed that he loved me, and honestly, he did a lot for me in the beginning. It was probably the happiest time of our relationship. During the first three months, he brought me flowers twice, but after that, he never did it again. I put a lot of effort into making him feel special, especially on his birthday, but he didn't really do anything for my birthday. He took me to a dessert shop at night, which was sweet, but that was pretty much it. He has never really gifted me anything, whereas I have given him gifts for his birthday. That said, he does buy food and desserts for me, especially when I'm broke, and we both generally spend money on each other, so financially, I wouldn't say it's completely one-sided.

After about four months of being together, we started living together. Things were going really well. We were together almost all the time, and I felt extremely safe and comfortable with him.

Then, around the sixth month of our relationship, I found out that he had been calling and talking to his ex around 10 times during the first four months of our relationship. He also met up with a friend who was leaving the company. There were four people there, including him and his ex, but he never told me about the meetup at all. I found out about all of this myself.

When I confronted him, he said he didn't know she was going to be there. He also said the reason he was calling on phone with his ex was because they were fighting and she had been talking badly about him, so he wanted to screw her up.

Then there was another incident that happened during the first two or three months of our relationship.

He introduced me to a girl (PLOT twist: he had slept with her once before he and him even met) I had absolutely no idea about their history. He told me that she was someone who always had his back, so I was actually nice to her and considered her his close friend.

At one point, she texted him, "Are you up for tonight?" on WhatsApp. I asked him about it, and he said that she and her friends regularly hosted house parties, so that's why she had messaged him. Something still felt weird to me, but I ignored it.

He went to two of those house parties while we were together, and I never stopped him from going. He was also picking her up and dropping her off for house parties, and she was around him quite a lot. I genuinely believed she was just a close friend.

Eventually, she started becoming very touchy with him, which caused problems between us. I told him that I wasn't comfortable with their relationship and asked him to stop talking to her. After a big fight between us, he eventually stopped talking to her completely because again he found out she tried to open his zip in one of the two house parties while he was drunk and passed out. He said one of his friends told him. At this point, I was ready to leave him, and that's when he confessed that he loved me, which made me decide to stay.

Later, around the sixth or seventh month of our relationship, I found out that he had actually slept with this girl before we met and had never told me. He tried to blame it on some other guy, after me asking multiple times. He said it happened only once, that they had a mutual understanding about it, and that it never happened again. But the fact that he had hidden it from me, while also introducing her to me as a close friend, really hurt me.

After finding out about all of this, I started overthinking constantly. We began fighting a lot. He would usually comfort me, apologize, and ask me to forgive him, but I was struggling to process everything that had happened. I couldn't get it out of my head.

Then I did something that I deeply regret.

I wanted to get revenge, and stop obsessing about him. So I contacted someone I had previously been casually involved with and had stopped talking to. I invited him to our place so we could talk and eat something. I told him beforehand that I didn't want anything to happen between us and that he had promised he wouldn't try anything. However, he still tried to get close to me. And I said him to leave, which made him mad.

I told my boyfriend about this after 4-5 days he became extremely upset. The guy kept calling and texting me for two or three days, and I told my boyfriend everything honestly. I knew I had made a huge mistake, and I felt extremely guilty about it.

We have now completed one year together, but we still fight every two or three days.

A lot of the fights are about things like him following random girls from his office on Instagram. Another issue was that he started watching porn while I was trying my best to satisfy him sexually. I felt really insecure and hurt by it. After I told him how much it affected me, he stopped watching it and hasn't done it again but following other girls hasn't stopped.

The Instagram situation is different, though. Whenever I ask him why he follows certain girls, he apologizes and says he won't do it again, but eventually he does it again. Then, after apologizing, he becomes distant and acts sad, which usually turns into another huge fight. During these arguments, he often brings up what I did with my casual partner and I apologise each time and say I'm guilty about it.

I've also become insecure about my body because I've noticed that he is attracted to women with bigger breasts, while mine are medium-sized. I've seen things that made me feel like this is something he prefers, but always refuses to accept. And it has affected my confidence a lot.

I eventually left the office where we both worked. Recently, I've noticed that he comes home later than before or sometimes leaves for work very early. Whenever I ask him about it, he asked me, am I not allowed to interact with my friends as well? And that sometimes he's simply eating or spending time with them.

Now, two or three months after the incident with the casual guy, my boyfriend says he can't stop thinking about what happened. He says that sometimes he wants to leave me, but other times he wants to stay.

I'm honestly confused about our relationship at this point. We've both hurt each other in different ways, we've both apologized, and we've both tried to move forward, but we keep falling back into the same cycle of fighting.

I don't know whether we're dealing with trust issues that can actually be repaired or whether we've reached a point where we're just hurting each other more by staying together. Cause I became insecure and I can't trust him anymore. Even he can't trust me anymore.

What would you honestly think about this situation if you were an outsider looking at it? Is this relationship still worth trying to repair, or are we both holding on to something that has already become unhealthy?