I love my boyfriend, but I don't feel emotionally cared for — am I expecting too much?

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I feel very confused about my relationship right now.

My boyfriend is generally a good person. He calls me, makes time to meet me, sometimes comes to see me, and recently even called me while he was busy at work because I told him I missed him. When we're together, we can have a really good time, and I genuinely believe he cares about me.

The problem is that I don't feel loved or emotionally reassured in the way I need.

I need a lot of emotional reassurance and affection in a relationship. He is much more laid-back and less verbally expressive. He doesn't always initiate "I love you," and sometimes I feel like I'm the one seeking emotional closeness. Especially after sex, I don't feel much emotional connection or aftercare. For me, sex is very emotionally significant — I was intimate with him because I genuinely saw him as someone I could potentially have a future with.

Recently I've been feeling like he's emotionally distant or nonchalant. I know he's stressed and busy with his internship, and I don't expect him to be available 24/7. But I also don't want to keep telling myself that I'm okay when I'm not.

The difficult part is that I'm now scared to express my needs.

There was a previous argument where I was seeking reassurance, and he became overwhelmed and said that the relationship was taking away his energy, time and peace of mind and that maybe we should break up. That really scared me. Since then, I've become afraid that if I bring up my emotional needs again, I'll push him away.

At the same time, keeping everything inside is making me miserable.

I'm also aware that I have a tendency to overthink and become anxious about abandonment, so I'm trying to figure out how much of this is my own anxiety versus a genuine incompatibility in how we give and receive love.

I don't want someone to tell me that he's definitely a bad boyfriend or that I'm definitely too needy. I genuinely want an outside perspective.

My questions are:

Is this simply a difference in love languages/attachment styles that can be worked through?

How do I communicate my need for reassurance without making my partner feel pressured?

Is it reasonable to expect more emotional closeness and aftercare after sex?

How can I distinguish between my anxiety and an actual unmet need?

If one person needs significantly more reassurance than the other, can the relationship work without either person feeling drained?

And if you've experienced something similar, what helped you?

I love him, and I'm not looking to make a decision based on one bad day. I just don't know how to stop feeling emotionally lonely while being in a relationship