I hate you

I gave so much for you.

Despite my instincts to run from you from our first week dating, I stayed because I still had faith in us.

You hurt me and confused me so much.

You hurt me in the way you felt hurt by your parents - leaving me to manage my emotions on my own. At one point I felt like I wasn't even in a relationship anymore. I went through the cycles of grief for the 2 months we lasted multiple times because I just knew from the way things weren't being handled, it wasn't going to work.

But then I would come back to denial, and have faith again.

Id think back to our friendship and then to our talking stage and be rekindled again.

You were closer to me, more affectionate, more communicative before we started to date.

I was convincing myself things will get better but you only grew colder and colder.

Any communication of my emotions or boundaries were too much, no matter how small.

I realized that anything was too much for you because there was no room for anything else to fit in your head or heart.

Youre filled with troubles from your past, present, future..

You cant handle a relationship.

You need outside help for your mental health.

But youre just as stubborn as you said you were and dragged it to force it work, dragging me through glass along the way.

I tried to be patient with you and kept adjusting myself for you.

Trying to adapt, trying to be more patient.

But then you made me snap.

Here I was, trying so hard to convince myself it can still work, coming up with bullet points to talk things out with you one final time. All I did was start the conversation - i sent a short message about having faith in our ability to communicate better with each other.

You tell me that you are communicating and if its not enough then this is the line.

You are so willing to end it all - yet im the one having to compromise with you, im the one feeling like I have ro walk on eggshells, im the one having my needs neglected.

You tell me that your boundaries upset me.

Those arent boundaries anymore, they're WALLS.

And the closer we got, the thicker it got until I felt like i was in a relationship with myself and someone else just randomly buys me things.

Youre probably pissed at me and feel abandoned but you abandoned me first.