I wish I felt more

I’m not sure if I’ve just matured past it or lost the ability to feel the way most people seem to. It’s not that I don’t feel. It’s that I don’t feel at the same level as almost everyone else.
People have huge emotional reactions to things at work or in everyday life and my reaction (and sometimes what I say) is basically “What’s the big deal? Who cares?” It’s not that I’m emotionless. Certain things still hit me hard, especially anything involving a parent and child. The early scene in The Last of Us, the scene in Coco where the great grandpa is being forgotten, the episode about Finn’s death in Glee especially the scene with his mom and step sad wrecked me (this was recent as a friend had me watch the show recently). But most of the everyday stuff people get worked up about? I just don’t have the energy or the interest.
Some friends and family have said this makes me seem cold. To me it sometimes feels like they have almost suicidal levels of empathy. For example, if I had to defend myself or my family in a home invasion and ended up killing someone, I don’t think I’d lose sleep over it. I’d justify it as them or us and it would just be a “so that happened” situation. I can’t know for sure unless it happened, but I’m pretty confident that’s how I’d process it.
I feel like I used to feel things a lot more intensely. I know part of that is just growing up. I’m in my mid 30s now, but the gap between me and my peers still feels pretty wide. I’ve had my share of trauma (who hasn’t?). Grew up around multiple divorces on both sides. Got married, went through a 10 month separation, reconciled, then eventually divorced after ten years total.
I only really started writing this because the fact that this bothers me made me think I’m not broken. If I was, I wouldn’t feel this way about it, or at least that’s what I use to justify to myself that I’m not broken. I’ve been to therapy but the therapists never seemed that great, and I’m pretty good at coming across as charming and normal. I do care. I do love. It just doesn’t extend very far past my direct family. Beyond that I honestly don’t have the energy or the desire to bother.
I know there will be people that say maybe you’re just depressed but I’ve gone through the rigmarole of different anti depressants because I thought they would help. Doesn’t really change things. And I’m not like life is hopeless I honestly care a lot about mine and my families life. But also a close friend could be upset or crying and I don’t really know what to do. Ugh just saw this sub and was like fuck it just type. Anyway else understand or have some insight on this? Either way it’s all good. Just ranting.