MDMA let the "real me" out of the operating room. Has anxiety medication helped anyone else drop their trauma masking?

(Quick note if you're reading this outside of trans spaces: I’m a post-transition trans woman, completely secure in who I am. Trolls will be blocked, I'm strictly here for trauma/nervous-system advice.)

For context, I’m 30+, have a Master’s in Science, speak 4 languages, and have been on HRT for years. Life is good. But I recently realized I’m still subconsciously caging the girl inside me.

Growing up in a highly conservative, transphobic country, I had to act like a guy to survive. I was terrifyingly good at it. Today, mentally, I am completely myself. But physically—my walk, my talk, my baseline face-to-face energy—is still trapped in those old male survival habits.

It feels like the real me is hiding in an "operating room" deep in my brain, piloting my body like a mechanical vessel because she subconsciously thinks we still aren't safe.

Recently, I tried therapeutic MDMA. It completely shattered that fear filter. For the first time, she stepped out of the operating room. I was 100% uninhibited, naturally myself, without the survival mask. It was the most beautiful thing ever, but it breaks my heart that I can't access her fukky when sober.

Decades of therapy haven't cracked this, and I don't want to rely on psychedelics. I’m seeing my doctor soon to ask about anti-anxiety meds, hoping that lowering my baseline physical fear will help my nervous system finally drop the act.

Has anyone experienced this specific mind/body disconnect? Did anxiety meds help you stop piloting the "vessel" and just live? If not, what actually worked for you?