got some turkish takeout for tonight (lahmacun, some meatballs my mom made and some sides)

i‘m m21 and recently got diagnosed with OCD. Ngl looking back i definitely had some OCD tendencies that i always just put off as ”my overthinking brain“. Some of those worries that I kept recurrently having were so bad that for the longest time, i just thought being constantly anxious or ”depressed“ was just part of my personality and that i was just a melancholic person.

i moved out for college, settled in a new environment, met new friends and study something that i’m really passionate about. for a while, i thought my mental health got better. Well, fast forward, couple of months ago i realized i might be bisexual. Or at least i think that. Idek at this point which ig is fine i‘m only 21 but this uncertainty, once again, is killing me. I’d say i’m pretty ”straight passing“, so it was never something people really suspected. But I just feel like my life has made a turn for the worse - and not because of my sexuality, like i dont care if i did turn out to be bisexual, or straight or gay. My brain is constantly trying to tell me i‘m a liar, i‘m in denial or some other stupid shit to the point i‘m rn even afraid to date anyone thinking i might lie to myself or to them. Sometimes i feel so stupid abt this too because it‘s really not such a deep topic but well, I can‘t turn my thoughts off. I‘ve been having sleepless nights, weird dreams, compulsion of checking every physical sensation I have, panic moments, etc…

recently got a therapist for the first time in my life and she diagnosed me with OCD with my SO being the theme this time. i hope things might get better.

anyway, thanks for listening to my rant boys🫡

struggling mentally and it‘s getting overwhelming