31 [M4F] #Boston, MA- You can’t fix me, but I can make you worse

I am not something my family would ever look at and call proud. Yes, I have a steady job. Yes, I take care of myself. Yes, after so many years, I completed my education.

But despite all the opportunities, I’ve still managed to fuck my life up again and again. I’ve ruined relationships. Even when I have a girl who’s willing to give me anything, I want more. I’ve been on and off the wagon of sobriety more times than I can count. Life can be so sweet, but I’ll self sabotage, and when that’s done, I’ll lash out and hurt the people around me.

And I know it’s probably the same for you too. Your potential doesn’t matter, your brilliant future is in ruins, because the thought of being happy makes you sick. You don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve anything more than a few hazy bouts of clarity between chasing the next hit of whatever is getting you high that week. I know, because that’s me.

So let’s give another high a try. Or a low. Doesn’t really matter to me. What does matter is that I like to hurt people, and you crave it. You want the pain, the humiliation, the degradation. You seek out the gaslighting and the sleepless nights. You deserve to be treated like an object, and believe me, you will be. Nothing makes me feel as alive as taking someone beautiful, innocent, and full of potential, and ruining that.

I don’t think we can make each other better. But I can sure as hell make you worse.