Restoring safe mother mental image

Hey!

I'm looking for a hypnotherapist who could help me to restore a safe mental image of my mother and link most of my feelings towards mum's figure to that safe mental image.

I've been growing up in an extremely abusive family of my mum and grandma. Mum had been sexually abusing me since age of 3. I was literally growing up programmed to destroy myself. I have diagnosed cPTSD.

It took me many years of intense therapy (mostly EMDR and psychoanalysis) to understand what was going on with me, but I'm still grieving over the loss of the only parent I had — the loss of someone who hadn't even ever existed. I need this inner figure of my parent, inner voice of an adult, but I have empty place there, only linked to that monstrous figure who my mum turned to be.

It hurts me every day. It feels like a deathlike state of mind. I want to disrupt the inner connection to this real figure and establish a connection with a healthy version of my mum I've created in my mind.

Please, help me. Any recommendations, suggestions, and advice are valuable. I'm tired of neverending pain.