Currently on a “break” w my gf, 5 months in…

We kind of avoid/ignore each other at work rn. We don’t work together like on the same shift but we are within range of each other + she’s part time.

Rn I feel this sense of relief because we're not interacting…

Here are my thoughts I’ve written down:

(Btw I’m F 24yo in a relationship with my gf F22yo.)

Of course it's normal to check in daily on how your partner is, but it shouldn't feel dreadful. I feel like I shouldn't have to always worry, “Is she going to be mad about something?” Or, “She seems quiet. Is it something I did or didn't do? Did I say anything?” And all of this has built up so much anxiety. And right now, I'm so relieved that I'm not feeling as anxious all the time. Every now & then, I do have this pit in my stomach realizing that it's possibly over.. because she felt like my person & we’ve both said in the past that we feel so empty without each other.. we’re so great together & I'm kind of scared I won't feel like that with anyone else.
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Our last conversation was a difficult one over the phone. She was saying she wanted a break, she brought up past mistakes I’ve made that I’ve already apologized & taken accountability for, & saying how she doesn't feel wanted by me, or thought of. She was bringing up my past mistakes, connecting them to other mistakes, forming intentions & conclusions ultimately painting me as a villain intentionally trying to hurt her. And I was so shocked & sad because her not feeling wanted by me is the absolute last thing I want her to feel. I was expressing to her, “I always want you to feel good.” And she said, “Well, I feel good by myself.” To which I asked, “But you don't with me?” And she hung up on me.

If she feels good by herself, then fine, be by yourself. I don’t want to fight for someone who doesn't want to be with me or want a relationship…

I realize I have to take care of myself now too. I was 24/7 always worrying about her needs, what she might want, getting her all these gifts, planning dates, planned an entire vacation trip we just took together. I always try to make her daily life easier. But I've completely forgotten about myself. I haven't been focusing much on myself.
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A situation that hurt/upset me recently is that I'm currently still sick, & I felt very little empathy or compassion from her during the first week of being sick. She was getting upset that I wasn't contacting her as much throughout the day, even though I'm literally sick in bed sleeping & trying to let my body rest. I hadn't even received any texts from her asking how I am, how I'm feeling. But I know that she's busy - she has classes, she works out, & then she goes to work. But as I'm sick, I woke up in the mornings & sent gm texts telling her I hope she has a good day & good luck in class.. It takes hrs for her to get back to me, which I don't mind because she's, again, busy. But she gets up at 6am sometimes, out & about, & doesn't even say gm first. I have to. What I’m also sad about is that I then started crafting these Minecraft gifts for her (cuz she loves Minecraft) & making her a Minecraft themed love letter. I’m up crafting these things when I could have been letting myself rest. I’m still wanting to express love, especially with our 5 month anniversary coming up... & then I receive a text from her asking if I've been feeling distant lately. Again, I’m literally sick!! lmfaooo
Next, I’m eventually I'm on the phone apologizing for being sick & because I couldn't go to an event with her that we had planned to go to. I felt like I had to apologize for something I couldn't control. I don't feel like that's okay at all.

She even got mad at me for not wanting her to get sick, for not sharing my water bottle or being hesitant on kissing her on the mouth because I was worried she’d catch something. Why does that make me the bad person for not wanting my gf to suffer what I'm suffering?

I was worried to kiss her -> she got mad.
I kiss her -> she eventually starts coughing -> she recoils from me the next morning saying she doesn’t want to cough. Ofc I was a bit sad but I let it go.
Later either that day or next, I go in to kiss her on the cheek to say goodbye, but she tried to kiss me on the mouth -> she gets upset again saying “Wowww okay I’ll leave now.” (It’s like what do you want?) “I thought you didn’t want to kiss me because you’ll cough?”
“I know… I’m just mad that you’re sick.”

— next thing that also led to our break:

She had been wanting me to cook for her - she’d brought it up multiple times… idk how to cook, but I’ve made simple things like breakfast, & soup when she wasn’t feeling well… but I’ve realized this was something that would really make her feel cared for. Especially since she’s cooked for us many times. She brought it up again one morning last week as I’m dropping her off. I told her that I know, it’s been on my mind & I’m sorry I haven’t done it yet cuz I’m still sick. She told me it was the bare minimum.. & so after that convo I started planning to invite her over on the weekend so I can make her my fav dish from my culture, & I was gonna learn to make it. I asked her later that day if she could come over on the weekend, she said yes, but then we had that difficult convo on the phone later that night where she said she wanted a break. And then she eventually texted me a couple days later saying that me making her her food didn’t feel genuine. I told her I wanted to share my fav dish with her & apologized that it came off that way. I wanted to care for her in this way & I always want to continue caring for her. She rejected me saying “No, I’m good. You had plenty of time to do that for months. I don’t need that now.”
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I've talked to a couple of friends about this & more, & they both independently told me that it sounds like she's treating me like a man… one of them said not considering me as a girl or something like that. And I guess I’m kind of realizing that too?? She's only been in relationships with men, & I'm her first girl she's ever dated. After that difficult convo, she even reposted a video with the caption, “When to give up on a man.” And it's a clip of this YouTuber saying “when you have to wait… when you've had to ask over and over and over again for something simple, and you're still waiting.” And I understand.. It's so valid for her to be upset that she had been asking for this one thing & it was taking so long. I always want to be a better partner & it hurts that I didn’t get to this one thing she wanted from me.

With all that said, I’m really focusing on myself… it kinda feels like I’m distracting myself too, but I just want to be happy rn. I got a haircut I’ve always wanted, got back into painting my nails, got a new piercing, I’m talking & hanging with my friends - most of which I hadn’t seen since I started this relationship. And I learned Sudoku & find it pretty fun lol. I don’t really look forward to any interactions with her rn because I feel so tired. It sucks that I have to see her at work, especially with a team meeting coming up this week.