I just want to come home to a mommy domme

I don't feel in control of my life. I don't feel happy with my relationships. I go to work and get paid to smile and accept mistreatment and degradation. I'm aware that I'm not in a place to be in a relationship which is what I'd ultimately want but most of the time I just want to come home to someone safe who understands me. Someone who i can make feel safe as well. Someone I'm so compatible with, it doesn't feel like we have to sacrifice anything for each other. I want love. I want to feel trust. I want to make someone else feel safe and like they can trust me with anything. I want all these things I never deserve or can't have. After everything that has happened, I thought i would have found my person by now.