29M - 29F - 3 years

TLDR: Partner not/barely initiating affection anymore and it’s killing me on the inside.

Have been together with my girlfriend for a couple years now. I’d say everything is great, we both do our work around the house, she’s supportive, we laugh and she’s a good woman. I’m not writing this post out of resentment in any way.

She was never the most affectionate person to begin with, but in the beginning she did initiate affection. Like kisses here and there, a hug, cuddles and of course sex. It was less than I wanted, as it was still pretty rare that she initiated, but it was enough. I figured that no relationship is perfect and compared to all her other great qualities I could live with that.

But the last couple of months that initiative has dried up completely. I’m not just talking about sex, I’m talking about basic human touch. I want her to initiate some cuddling, or a long hug, or kisses. It’s starting to affect me now, as I don’t feel desired in anyway. (And no, I’m not some fat/unhygienic dude. I’m tall and have even grown some more muscle since I met her).

Which also brings me to the second part, the sex. I have indicated from the beginning that I’d like sex to also have some adventurous angles. Think like handcuffs or blindfolds etc. In the beginning she was enthusiastic about this and we happily played around with it. That started to die out and turn more into vanilla sex. We talked about it, where she indicated she wanted to take it slower. Even though it was hard to grasp for me, she was indicating this so I agreed we could take a couple steps back. So we focussed more on vanilla sex.

Until that started to fade as well, and now fast forward some months we are here.

I have tried to talk to her about this, in the past we could talk openly and communicate well without judgement. Now when I try to have an open conversation, not half a minute in and the conversation becomes argumentative even I try so hard to make not. I genuinely don’t understand where this comes from, and I’m starting to notice I’m to mentally tap out lately.

I know the easier solution is to call it quits, we don’t have children or anything. But I don’t want that, she’s an amazing woman and I don’t know where “she” went. I want to feel valued and desired.