Life

Hey everyone.I decided to write this post because i've seen how many people here can respond and share their thoughts.I've been in a long-term depression,anxiety and social phobia for about 16 years.Lately,things have been really bad.Severe panic attacks have started,wild fear and terror from the premonition of imminent death.I try not to think about it,but since i'm writing here,it means i'm not really succeeding.It's not that the fear is irrational:my health isn't great and the men in my family tend to die young.But it's not really about the fear of death,though that's part of it too,who am I kidding.But the realization that at 25 i'm at zero,having achieved nothing i wanted,drives me to despair.An image comes up of me dying and nothing remaining of me.I have one friend and we haven't been close for a long time.You could say i'm alone.Literally alone, because sometimes the phrase "i have no friends" is said by people who actually have 5-6 close friends and more acquaintances around them.I mean that i am absolutely alone right now.The thought that if I died tomorrow,no one would remember me-that terrifies me.I wanted a lot and still want a lot,but i definitely won't be able to reach my peaks,because becoming a world-famous person known to millions across the planet is something I won't achieve, even though I desperately want to.I want, under the fear of approaching death,to live as i want: wear what I want, post tiktoks,behave how I want,express my nature through creativity,make myself known to the world.But even under the fear of death,i'm still afraid to express myself,yet not becoming someone who will be remembered,who will contribute to the world and society,that also weighs on me.I feel trapped and lost.It seems to me that death is coming to me with giant strides and has already put its hand on my shoulder.It scares me:death, unrealized potential.And it really pisses me off-my own powerlessness and that even in this state i'm afraid to try to be myself,at least for the little time I feel i have left.What should i do?I'm really trying​