I don't know what to do...

Hello, I'm a 16M, I'm stuck with emotional numbness, depression (kind of) and a few learning difficulties.

I don't speak to a lot of my family as they aren't very nice, all I have is my brother who yells at me and says horrible things to me which I feel might just be my fault because I'm a pretty fucked up person. And then theirs my mother. Both my mother and brother suffers with anxiety, the only type of anxiety I ever felt was social anxiety from years of being bullied.

For a long time now I've been emotionally numb, I've gotten waves of sadness soon after, then my sleep schedule got fucked up. And soon I started getting thoughts of self harm, and I did self harm, it's the only way to get the thoughts to stop. I want to do worster stuff to myself but unfortunately I'm too much of a wuss. I wouldn't consider myself to have depression, I don't why theirs just this voice telling me that I don't, it's telling me that there's people in much worster situations than my and because I've felt this way for a few months now it isn't going to change. And the fact because I'm too much of a wuss to get help I suppose, and I'm scared because it's getting worst, theirs nothing I can do. I can't even really cry anymore because when I feel like crying I just can't. I

And like I said before I am a really fucked up person, I say terrible things to people, insensitive things and I don't know why, I don't really realise what I say I just can't think of anything better to say. Nobody really likes me to be honest, they never really haves. I've always been more in the way of things.

I'm in collage now, it took me a week to make a friend well it was friends but after they got to know me they didn't like me, I don't blame them. The friend I do have isn't all their in the head not to be mean or anything. But like I said I feel like I'm just really fucked up and maybe I'm using him, manipulating him. I got him to leave the other guys and come with me instead, even tho the other guys didn't like him that much either.

I wouldn't say I feel bad for this as I've never felt guilt or remorse before, I can hurt someone and I won't give a shit sometimes maybe it feels good. Like I said I'm a really fucked up person. In school I was a well behaived student never got in trouble, but maybe that's because I found loopholes or something, I manipulated teachers maybe I don't know.

I need advice or something, someone to talk to maybe I don't know. I doubt anyone will read this or give a shit anyway so sorry for wasting your time.