My mother is convinced I'm having intercourse with my dad and that I'm in love with him

If anyone else has gone through this, or what's going on with her because I feel like Im in a very fucked situation but I cannot comprehend the extent of it, please tell me. I feel like Im in a fog of hell.

This has been happening for about almost 3-4 years. I'm 19 almost 20 now.

Fyi I'm not, I hated him longer than she ever has. She stayed with his abusive ass even when I told her to leave when I was young. Now she's making it my problem.

This has been going on for years and it all started when I unfortunately survived almost dying from my autoimmune disease. Ever sense then I feel like she has been punishing me for surviving.

So he isn't here anymore, one day he just ran off. Also me and her moved somewhere else.

But even when he is NOT EVEN HERE, she still thinks I'm contacting him and "wanting my daddy." And "wanting to go off with my daddy"

Before he left though, she was CONSTANTLY pushing and trying to "get me to admit" that I was in love with and and fucking him.

At first when she started this, she was constantly accusing me of lying and that I was fucking him. I begged her to stop, that I wasnt. She wouldn't believe me.

Almost everyday. Everyday. The memories are fuzzy now but I know it was hell.

She thought I was with him and plotting with him against her. She also was convinced that was going to go off with my half brother that raped me as a toddler. Or my uncle who I didn't even know existed. It was always something.

He left. She still thought I was going to run off with him.

Years passed by of her thinking that weekly, even when we moved to a different state.

And then she even made me lose a friend. My only friend. When we would hang out online, I was texting my dad or brother. Everytime I would go off to hang with her IRL, she would accuse me of going off to have sex with my dad and talk with him. EVERYTIME. The one day she called the police on my friends parents and they banned me from ever hanging out in their house bc they didn't wanna deal with that. Her parents also started to not want her to hang out with me.

Things got tense between us, it's hard to hang with someone when their mother is constantly accusing them of being with their father.

Friendship ended. I have no friends now. Too scared to make any because I know she will tell and accuse me of talking to my father of I try to chat with anyone.

Id say weekly she STILL thinks I'm with my father. Or brother, or uncle, or having sex with the old neighbors I don't even know.

It never ends. Years. Its always me doing something I'm not. And this doesn't even make a difference but I'm acearo. Ive been this way for like ever. I don't wanna do anything with anyone, let alone my father.

Also she says she has "proof" video recordings. So I ask her to show me them and she refuses. She never does. I know she is full of absolute shit because I know I fucking didn't have sex with my dad.

It feels like the only way for this to end is if I die. And I accepted that. When I turn 21 Ill buy a gun. And the only thing that has been allowing me to cope is looking forward to that. Just one more year. I can handle one more year.