Relation Advice

I’ve tried to take a break from dating apps but just feel lonely and think maybe I’m ready. But basically here is the newest gist. I ended up talking with this new guy. We talked on the phone for a week. He almost seemed very happy and super willing to take me on a trip to Boston from NY to see a concert. He lives in NYC but works for a truck company and has runs along the East coast where he could pick and choose where he goes. We met at a restaurant the night before and I realized he didn’t really look exactly like his social profiles. And I didn’t like him right away. But we walked and held hands after eating together and I didn’t want to lose my ride- though I kind of felt bad for still making him after I had no feelings. He made me just a tad late to my concert after we waited a while for his work run the next day. But I caught majority of it after lots of worry and it turned out fine. When I got back we were staying in his semi and he said we should have a chat. He started touching and hugging me and kissing me a lot. He eventually pulled up my shirt and bra. I didn’t really stop him because I didn’t know what to think as it happened so fast. He showed me his penis that had been hard and said I did it to him after having me touch it first through his pants. I told him no more and that I didn’t want to do all that because we hadn’t known each other long. He said we have known each other a decent amount. I told him we haven’t because it was like 10 days. Yet I feel like I would at least touch another guys if I really liked him. Anyway I asked to go to hotel because I was scared what could happen in a truck at night and he eventually agreed. But he looked really sad and I did feel bad but still a little scared by how happy he looked to get so sexual already. The next day we kind of made up because I was anxious and messaged him. We even wrestled around and he hugged and kissed me a lot. His hygiene did seem pretty bad because he didn’t take a shower nor did he seem to brush his teeth in my presence. He sprayed a lot of cologne on though and his shoes smelt when he took them off. I know we are all human but it kind of turned me off. Anyway, we got along and watched a movie while he held me and we sang to songs that I DJd. He had a run late at night after we had basically just snuggled in the back of his truck an entire day. I felt safe to sleep in the upper bunk bed considering he was driving. The next day was rough because I couldn’t sleep well and we just didn’t do a lot. He refused to listen to the worker at the truck place that said he couldn’t park there until they threatened to call the cops after he stayed idle. At which point he swore and said the guy doesn’t work for the company and doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But he told me in the morning that the guy was wrong and that wasn’t usually the case. And he smiled at me. I was hoping the rage and refusal was because he was tired. I walked around so he could get sleep. And he just kept smelling worse. But he was super nice and kind and calling me kind stuff. He would pat my back and reassure me and called me a good girl, a strong girl, and a brave girl a lot. I felt bad for my emotions because he was doing the max and I just couldn’t even pretend to be happy. Yet I never had a guy so concerned over my feelings. He asked me before we left if I would be his girlfriend and I basically said I didn’t want to because things were moving too fast and I wasn’t emotionally available feeling and realized that. I felt a little harsh and upset because I had been asked by a few guys but it had never been in person and I don’t know they had as serious of intentions as he had. His lingering eyes from when I left him the previous night popped into my mind. He just said alright and that he was going to bring me back home instead of stopping anywhere like we initially wanted. We talked a little but barely on the way back. He was comforting when I started to cry from overwhelming feels. And I did feel some sort of regret when I left and knew it could have been the last time especially seeing he said he would have to move on. I reached out to give him a hug and he just kind of shook his head. But then he said wait when I turned to leave and told me to hug him and said he didn’t want to be cold. He messaged me like an hour after our departure and I was feeling badly but felt relief when he texted. But the next day, I almost wanted things to die down naturally. And when he didn’t text a whole day I got extremely anxious and missing him. I keep pushing him away when he’s too warm but pulling him back when he’s cold. I think I wanted to see him again with a haircut to see if he looks even semi close to his pictures and that is why I’m leaving the door open for hope. But at the same time I feel like my heart is screaming no. The thing that hurts me the worst is when he tells me that when the door is closed it is closed and he won’t come back for me. It’s like I’d rather him just walk away and not say that.

So my questions are: Does he have red flags and if so what? What can I do to fix my obvious bad behavior I am admitting to? And just any general thoughts about continuing to pour any hope into this?