veggie/ tofu sammie on a crusty baguette. was insanely good

i’m so fucking in love with this guy i used to be best friends with.   
we met in a very enticing way that made me initially super attracted to him, and things heated up between us pretty quickly.   
we tried to date and realized it was a bad match within like a week, but we had so much sexual chemistry and platonic love for one another that we decided to stay friends. it worked out for a while (there were bumps in the road) but eventually we both had to say goodbye to one another cuz we were in serious relationships and it just wasn’t realistic for either of us anymore, it was fucking with our personal lives way too much. if i’d been older and wiser i probably would’ve tried to find a solution to this that didn’t involve us ghosting each other but it is what it is. we’re all also both avoidants lol so yay💀🔫.  
i think we’re both at a point where we’re realizing that this very unhealthy & immature dynamic we have with each other is not sustainable long term regardless of how much we love each other. he can’t admit his feelings towards me, and i can’t let anything go whenever he pisses me off.  
this man is the light of my fucking life and he barely  
spends any energy talking to me anymore despite how close we used to be  
i always feel so guilty after we sext cuz i feel like im ruining our relationship even further   
god i just miss him when he was my best friend and nothing else   
but there hasn’t been any point in time  
where he wasn’t super attracted to me and vice versa, so idek what the fuck to do 

i’m in hell