The idea of reincarnation gives me hope

It may have cured me of my suicidal ideation. It just clicked and makes so much sense to me.

I think the universe is like a machine, and everything in it is like a cog. Everything big and small, good and bad, etc. It's all necessary. And where our spirit/soul goes after our current body expires depends on how we lived this life cycle. You have to "earn" a better life, meaning you have to do the best you can with the hand you're dealt and not waste this cycle, and don't do evil things. If you want out of the darkness, you have to embrace and become the light.

I had a difficult upbringing, and i always felt different from people around me and even my own family. I was called an "old soul" a lot (grew up in the southern US), was generally more mature than other kids. I had a lot of deja vu and vivid dreams of being another person in a different life. I do think maybe my soul has lived multiple lives.

I've had depression my whole life and it hasn't been easy, but i'm hopeful and thankful now that this has finally clicked for me. I'm not really concerned with knowing exactly what my past lives were or having full control of my future cycle. I just hope that making the most of this cycle will ensure less suffering in the next. And as a bonus, it will relieve some suffering here. It has made my suicidal thoughts go away, at least for today.