My Mother Buried Me With My Brother

When my brother Keith died, my mother, Catherine, didn't just bury him.

She slowly began burying me too.

Mom used to love making clay cups for us.

Keith loved the ocean, whales, and giant waves, but I always hated them.

After Keith died, every single cup she made for drinking milk or juice was covered in drawings of whales and squids, Keith cups.

My old cups, which had drawings of Naruto, Finn and Jake the Dog, completely disappeared.

Whenever I held a cup, I knew she wasn't seeing my hands, she was seeing Keith’s.

It didn't stop with the cups.

After a week of my brother's death, I came home from school to find my closet completely different.

All my clothes were gone, replaced with my brother's shirts and pants.

I stood there in shock and asked her with anger, "Mom, where are my clothes?"

She looked at me with cold, blank eyes and said in a terrifyingly broken voice, "They don't fit you anymore. Keith's clothes fit you better."

Even nighttime doesn’t bring me any peace anymore.

Whenever I sleep, that cold feeling of scissor blades cutting through my hair, it just became routine.

Every now and then, I’d wake up and know exactly what she was doing.

My hair was looking a little more like Keith’s hair.

I didn’t wanna make her feel any worse, but that one night, I’d just had enough.

I pulled away from the cold steel, and finally said it out loud.

"Mom, why do you keep doing this to me?'"

She stepped back and slowly sat on the edge of my bed, "Nothing, dear, Your hair just needs a trim, Go back to sleep."

I laid my head back down on the pillow, but she immediately started cutting again.

Then she whispered, "Son... can I call you Keith?"

Tears started streaming down my face in the dark.

"Yes, Mom... you can." I knew that saying "no" would only make her angry."

After a week, I became Keith.

Even when the kids called me Tom, I didn't respond, having forgotten that Tom was my real name.

My classmates started ignoring me, and my grades were becoming worse and worse.

I had just had enough.

I came home i yelled mom, mom, She was singing, and full of happiness, "Keith, welcome home"

"No, Mom" I said, "No".

"It's always Keith, always What about me Mom?

What about Tom me, your other son?"

She stayed silent.

No words, no scream, nothing.

She walked past me to her room and closed the door.

I ate nothing, just a peanut butter sandwich.

When it got dark, I went upstairs to my room to sleep.

The hunger took a toll on me, but how cheap and forgettable I was to my mother was even tougher.

As my eyes were almost shut and tiredness made me forget my hunger, memories of my brother floated between reality and my dreams.

I could never hate you, Keith.

You’ve always been kind to me.

I will never forget how you stood up against those boys who were bullying me.

When I said I was sorry for making you bleed, you said, "We share the same blood, If you bleed, I bleed."

I'm sorry, Keith... I'm so sorry.

I cried until I fell asleep.

A whispering voice broke the silence, "Keith..."

It was my mother.

I could hear her voice, "Keith, do you hear me?"

I woke up terrified.

The room was dark and quiet.

My mom entered the room, crawling on her knees, but her face was what scared me the most.

She was wearing a mask made of clay with a drawn face on it, blue eyes like my eyes, a mole under the left eye just like mine, and black hair drawn forward.

"Mom, please... you're scaring me" I shivered.

"No, don't be, Keith. I'm Tom, your brother."

Tears streamed down my face.

I realized my mom had lost her mind.

I stood up, wanting to leave.

"Keith, where are you going?"

I said, "No, Mom, I'm not Keith, and you are not Tom."

She stood up on her feet and remained silent as I took another step.

"I will kill you if you can't be Keith, if there's no keith there's no tom to, Do you understand, Keith?"

I replied, "Yes, Mom... I understand."

I broke down crying again as i cover myself with my blanket.

She lay down and slept beside me.

"Don't worry, my big brother, Everything will be okay, Me, Mama, and you, we will become one."

In the morning, Mom woke me up as Keith again.

I guess I will always be Keith to her.