I’m in love with my best friend of 8 years

I am very close with this friend and have lately been wanting to get much closer romantic wise.

A bit of background I had once had feelings for him back when we were in middle school and I’m 90% sure he might’ve also had feelings. At one point I remember he pulled me aside to ask if I liked him, I shook my head no and saw he looked slightly upset, I had no idea why I shook my head no. It still makes me feel bad about to this day. Later on towards the last day of school of that year he told me he was moving and wasn’t sure if he’d still be at the school and wasn’t sure if he’d show up on the last day. At that time he didn’t have a phone, but I gave him my phone number as I still wanted to contact him whenever just incase. That last day he didn’t show up and I remember crying quite a bit and my other friend in that class comforting me. I did see him the following year but not as much as I’d like to and then Covid separated us more.

When I started freshman year of high school I had gotten into a relationship that would be the worst mistake of my whole life as I felt trapped with him for almost 5 years. That relationship was emotionally and slightly sexually abusive and couldn’t leave. I believe in my sophomore year my friend had reached out to me and made me extremely happy as I can finally talk to him again. Though he and I went to different high schools we still talked as normal.

Fast forward to before my sophomore year of college, I was already way out of love with my boyfriend at that time and had multiple issues he kept creating and was already planning when to leave him. I had been talking to my friend a lot more around this time, we didn’t flirt or say anything weird, just talked as normal friends would though texting. I noticed my feelings growing for him and felt bad having feelings for him while being in a relationship with someone I didn’t love anymore. A week into my semester I decided to finally leave my horrible ex, I felt so much relief and realized my own friend treated me so much better than my own boyfriend at that time.

Onto now, it has been over a year since I left my ex, I have been able to meet up with my friend for a couple of hangouts and it’s been great. Though these hangouts have made me realize my feelings for him keep growing and hard to tell whether he feels the same for me still or at all. He is so kind to me and always looking into my eyes with so much warmth and care. I just don’t know how much longer I can tolerate just staying as friends when I would love to be more than that. Though I am unsure whether he does feel the same way I do, or is simply just being the kind person he is. It’s always just me and him whenever we hang out and I quite enjoy that.

Though recently he is moving once again, slightly farther but I won’t let that stop us from seeing each other. Whether he does or doesn’t feel the same way I’m ok with either outcome, as he really always has been a great friend for so long. I am very appreciative and grateful I met him and still can talk to him.