Why I'm feeling guilty for my romantic cravings ?😭

So I'm 19F

Idk what I'm saying but.

I feel like atp I'm very despo for a serious relationship. I mean I want someone to hold my waist. Carry my purse . Gently pull my hair back to ears. Kiss me . And hug me . We talk about daily lives . And I actually crave all this. Altho I'm not very lonely. I do have some frnds. One of my frnds recently approached me but I said no to him . Cuz Obv.

But I feel like my desperation would make me say yes to him . But I don't want to ruin the frndship. I'm not in love with him . Leave love i don't even like him that way. But if he ever initiates a kiss , ik i won't be able to deny it . Becuz I want to explore things . But I want to explore with the right person. There was a moment when I thought about him that way . But now things are neutral .

Idk why and wht I'm talking about .

May God bless me .

Didis plsss gimme some advice .

I never masturb#ted. It never fascinated me. I never watch corn cuz that too doesn't follow my interest. Idk wht type of romantic I'm .