Codependent Schizophrenic mom

My mom is diagnosed with schizophrenia few years ago. I always knew shes mentally unstable of some sorts. During my childhood, she used to overdose on prescribed fits pills and used to sleep most of the time. My dad was abusive and she had unhealthy relationship with him. It wasn't fun living with them and i finally managed to get her away from him and now we live with her parents. I never really knew what her real personality was. Its like she's a different person everytime. She used to scream at people and call me things and was extremely paranoid and wasn't over him. She suddenly bursts out into different emotions. She tried to off herself so many times. During all this I was going thru stuff too. I used to self harm and isolate myself. Even if she did care she'd make it all different narrative. I tried getting her on pills but it always ends up in a huge fight and the pills she was prescribed made her sleep all the time almost like lobotomized.

Shes talks random things about ai, animals, sex, killing people. She puts every accusation on herself and breaks down cuz "they hate to see her be happy" along those lines. I love her as a person but sometimes I just cant take it anymore. I have to leave to college, she cries everyday telling me to not go and that we both should end it together. She blames me for all her suicide attempts she did in the past .This is extremely codependent and its suffocating me. She has no friends, she hates every one but me. I dont think anyone would want to be her friend cuz she lives in her head all the time. She cries everytime she sees me and tells me not to sh (im better now) but it gets to a point. I know she cares but the way she does it just suffocates me. She called me every minute for whole 24 hours when I was out for one day. Knocks on my door every 5min crying and repeats that we should end it together and that she has nobody but me. I really dont know anymore. She should get on medication but she refuses it everytime. I used to mix in her food but im scared she'd starve herself to bones like she did once.

I really dont know how to deal with her.it hurts me. Im not a good child( most of the times I js shut myself in my room so I dont have to deal w her so yeah i am not) i know i sound like an asshole but this is how i feel