Going to NA after 2 years clean

I celebrated my 2 years clean last month.

After 5 years of IV drug use.... I tried to get clean for the last like 2 years of it tried rehab, detox, NA nothing worked & ended up getting pregnant and stopped and have now stay cleaned for 2 years....

Well about 9 years ago I had almost 3 years clean, and though bsck then I never touched a needle I was still using hard drugs everyday until one day I had enough and just stopped for almost 3 years before relapsing and I kind of feel like I'm doing the same thing now that I did back then just kind of going on and pretending like it never happened I guess I'm really good at suppressing shit and disassociate from it and idk. I've just been thinking lately maybe I should actually figure out why I needed to use in the first place and actually deal with my trauma and grief and everything.... but i don't know of NA would help, I'm already 2 years clean I'm not good at sharing or being vulnerable with people & when I was going to NA before for a little bit it was in active addiction and it was because others suggested it and there was times I went to the rooms high.... I just don't know if I'm going to be welcomed I also live in a smaller city where people love to gossip ....

Idk I have no friends and no one in my life that understands but I also feel embarrassed that I have no one and feel like nobody will care about me maybe that sounds pathetic idk... my mind is spiraling and overthinking ..... I'm a very quiet person but I'm so scared of relapsing .. I only have my fiance to talk to but he's not an addict so he can only help so much.... I'm nervous about people who know my past judging me or being like why is she here if she got clean and has 2 year ....