Why do I want to get emotionally attached to someone and genuinely connect with them, yet I can’t seem to connect with anyone?

For the past few days, I’ve been talking to random strangers because I wanted to make new friends. Most of the people I talked to were guys, and they would usually text me first, while I would just respond to their messages. This continued for a while, and eventually, a couple of them wanted to meet me in person. I directly said no because I’m not comfortable meeting someone I’ve only recently met online.

Because of this, one or two people told me that I’m emotionally numb or that I don’t put in enough effort. But the truth is, I genuinely want to have a meaningful connection with someone. I just don’t know what to talk about. I struggle to express myself fully, so I usually just respond to whatever they ask me. Maybe some of them found me boring because of that and eventually stopped talking to me.

I really want to break out of this pattern. I don’t know whether I’m emotionally unavailable or not, but I genuinely want to connect with people on an emotional level. I just don’t seem to know how to do it.

Can anyone please help me understand why I’m like this and what might be causing it?