Am I faketrans

I mean I feel dsyphoria whenever I feel a physical sensation because it reminds me I'm stuck in a female body. I constantly fantasize about being a straight cisgender man with a beautiful girlfriend. I hate social interaction because I'm perceived as female, I distrust my friends because I think they think I'm female, and I've been on trans spaces for three years, but I still think I'm faketrans and one day this will all disappear and I'll be a cisgender girl. But then I'll be a lesbian which is also cooked. Maybe this is prestige whoring I just want to be a traditional man but since I don't have a cock I wouldn't be able to impregnate my wife and I'll have a gay ass t voice and be seen as gay, that's one of my biggest fears actually. Like people say straight men being chill with mistaken as gay shows secure masculinity but I think that's bullshit. Also whenever I see trans men who call themselves lesbians, that shit makes my blood boil so bad because why the hell are you trying to be queer so much. If I was a man why would I want to be a lesbian, it doesn't make any fucking sense. Who the actual fuck would want to be gay that's my question. It just pisses me off, I could have male friends but I chickened out due to social pressure+got bullied and sexually harassed by my classmates so all my friends are sapphic girls now. I have dreams about being a cisgender man or my parents accepting me and getting me testosterone and I wake up just knowing it's not true and get it ripped away me. Idk I still have fembrained hobbies (art and writing) and I read BL to fantasize about being a hot man or just cope with femboys so I don't have to confront the fact I like women, because a women could never love someone like me. I settle for being a bottom "polite" person or something because I don't have a cock, so if I act dominant or confident I'll just look ridiculous. I just don't know, I just wish I wasn't a delusional female because I'll never be a cis man. And whenever I open my fucking mouth I'm reminded of the polite girl manners I had drilled into me and how high pitched my voice is. It's deep for a female but absolutely gay and feminine for a man, so I just sound fucking stupid. I hate my life