Toxic household

I’ve been wanting to see a therapist for a while now, but i’ve been holding myself back because I feel like my reasons are not enough for me to see one.

I live with my mom and my brother, my brother got diagnosed with major depressive disorder earlier this year and he’s been doing self harm for years. Ever since, my mom has been very forgiving of him (tolerating all his wants and needs in hope to make him feel better). Not that she wasn’t like that before he got diagnosed, she was also very fond of him from the beginning, he was her “baby”. At some point, I think she coddled him too much, he’s almost an adult now but barely knows how to commute and do household chores.

We’re not rich, but we have a business at home that keeps us afloat. My days off college I spend it helping with our business with barely enough time to keep up with my requirements at school. The course itself is very demanding, some even study 8 hours a day for 6 days a week just to get barely passing grades. I recently got disqualified from that program and have shifted but I can feel the disappointment (from myself) and sadness creeping in. I feel like that was the turning point and all my problems i’ve suppressed before just came out.

I’m so stressed with school and at home because it’s like I have to tell my brother everything that needs to be done, like literally every little thing or chore in our house I need to tell it to him 3 fucking times before he gets to do it. On top of that, the program I shifted to isn’t very forgiving either. I still have to spend most of my time studying, and I really don’t know how to do that when my days off are spent either helping out in the business, or at home.

My mom isn’t of help either. She barely tells my brother what to do and just tolerates him, if he can’t do it, then she’ll just step in and do it for him. I’ve been wanting to see a therapist because I feel like my problems have been weighing me down, but I feel like my reasons are not enough because I don’t ever do self-harm. But these days, most of the time, I feel like the only way out is to end it.