Codependency

Recovering priest's kid here. Early 40s. Out of the church for many years. Jeez though. It follows me and haunts me still.

I am at the beginning of the end of a long-term relationship. I am the one who wants out...for too many reasons to hash out here. I'm reminded once again of my Orthodox upbringing in how difficult this breakup is for me to initiate, let alone get through. Because I, like a good female Orthodox Christian, am utterly and completely codependent.

Can I possibly just make myself smaller, ignore my own needs to put his happiness first? Maybe I should just do that. Does it matter if I sign up to be trapped and unhappy forever? Not really. After all, life is suffering and putting yourself first is wrong. It is not Christ-like.

We own a house together, and even though its his own fault for having a spotty work history, I am sad he likely won't get approved to take over the mortgage alone. Maybe I should just co-sign for him? After all, I dont need material things. To have possessions like a home or money in the bank is selfish.

Does it matter that he is an alcoholic in denial? Well, he doesn't hit me, so I should probably just try to support him and hope he changes, even if it never comes to pass. After all, I should put others before myself. A good partner would endure and pray that he sees the light.

Guys, I am in the guest room for 2 months now but haven't pulled the metaphorical final trigger yet. I am just churning and nervous 24/7.

I know you'll get it, those of you who have left. If you lurk here and are still EO, please see above for a cautionary tale of raising your children in this dreck.