So you've done sex work of some kind and want to recant and become a patriarchal wife. Here's what to do.

This post is purely for women that have made mistakes in their life, genuinely feel bad and want to move on and want to secure a good man while acknowledging they aren't exactly pure. If you're a religious woman that hasn't done these things it's not for you. It's for the fallen women. Take this as inspo to have hope not as an excuse to be a hypocrite or to Lorde it over non patriarchal women. I am not promoting a Eva Lovia type situation here.

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By sex work I mean any kind of work in a sexual capacity for money or attention of other individuals.

That can be only fans. It can be thirst trapping on Instagram. It can be prostitution. It can be sexual favours for some kind of gain or acclaim or problems solved. It can even be sexting on Reddit which I'm sure many are guilty of. There's levels of it .

Step 1: acknowledge you aren't ever going to be as valuable or desirable as a pure chaste girl learning or connecting something new.

Accept this. Accept that you made mistakes and so your tier of love will be lower. It's okay. Pure men should ideally be for pure women and impure men with impure women. We all make mistakes. This is not a recommendation to confess all your negatives but just to have a bit of humility about your position. That doesn't mean you should be disrespected but it is a reality. Don't lecture other women about what they do with their bodies if you have done stuff with yours. You may ofcourse reinforce and support people who subscribe to the same viewpoint as you (friends, sister wives in domestic patriarchy) but have some humility understanding not everyone is going to have a pure background. When women seethe at other women it takes away their femininity in serving their man and hearth and home.

Step 2: if your partner knows your past it will sometimes inspire jealousy. You will have to be extra reassuring. Discussions about the past should be limited and past tense.

Sometimes men torture themselves by asking too much about their wives past dalliances or enjoyments. They hate it but tolerate you because you have other desirable aspects they want. You cannot live with a person that hates you. You won't be able to serve him properly and he would emotionally torture a person whose past he resents into a unhappy life together.

The time before your partner if you regret it, is days of ignorance. You take the lessons you learned from that to make you a better wife for him today but you don't day dream about past sexual encounters or attention or intimacies. You don't keep in any kind of contact with those men of the past there is no need for this on a domestically patriarchal life where your partner is the male in your life. Then your parents if you have good parents and then siblings. Not huge swathes of extended family. By all means take your skill dressing up or sexual expertise but don't let him emotionally torture you into giving up so much information that makes him miserable and hurt. This does not mean withholding things. It means knowing how to answer things.

Example: you had anal sex with a past lover. If your husband asks if you have ever done anal before you say yes. He asks more detail fact finding questions, you don't talk about it more. You say (if this is something you or him want to do and is in accordance with your beliefs as obviously various faiths are against sodomy) "yes I had anal. If you want that we can do it." Or "yes I had it. I didn't like it then. If you want to do it I'm open to serving you but I have to do it delicately" or "yes I had it. I don't like it. Can I serve you other ways if you want to claim me? I need you to feel you own me because I am for you"

This is not a recommendation it's an example of how to deal with tricky questions

If he asks you have you been with multiple people at the same time and you have. Just say yes. And express contrition. Don't elaborate.

Or say "yes, I liked it at the time of my ignorance, but you are my future I want to serve you."

If he wants a co wife maybe thats something to consider introducing. But you don't go into detail about it. I recognise some men and women are into hotwifing and forms of cuckoldry and bulling etc. We aren't the community for that. At most we are cuckquean friendly in the context of polygynous relationships.

The reason I'm emphasising these things is that we don't like women that lie but we also don't like hearing about the details about your sex life with someone other than us. It's offensive and disgusting like a pungent odour. It's reminding us we bought used rather than new. I apologise for the crass language but it's to get the point across clearly that you don't need to detail your past in so much excess in order to progess your future.

Step 3: moments where it makes sense to be detailed about the past.

If you're dealing with something like hypersexuality and compulsions that strongly affect your ability to be loyal to a person you need to be clear about this from the outset. If you're bipolar, ADHD, bad communicator, if you entered altered states of being where you break every rule you try to keep then you need to tell your husband/future patriarchal owner about this. And he may reject you over this. You have to be clear it saves heartache. It might be that you aren't able to get a person long term that's okay with this but better to be honest and clear so they can decide. It also means that they know and proceed forwards and are emotionally stable enough to accept you despite these huge relationships disrupting character flaws you know you've got a sense of warmth and stability instead of hiding so much of yourself. This is contingent on you working to improve yourself self care wise and therapy and such as well. Don't just give up and declare yourself incapable. Actually try improving and see if you can keep loyalty no matter the emotional state. If you can't, be upfront about that and be prepared to recognise you might not be able to get a domestically patriarchal man

Step 4: concentrating on extending your devotion and loyalty and being more service oriented if you're used to recieving a lot of pleasure.

Him being in your life and choosing you and lifting you up is your perpetual turn on. If you want him to do specific things for you, find delicate ways to beg for it needily and hungrily in between serving him. And respect his authority to decide of his own choosing when that is and whether it's something he wants to do. Don't "educate" him. It'll come across as condescending and at worst it'll feel like you're trying to relive past enjoyments through his body while you think of someone or something else. This is disrespectful.

Step 5: your brain is your sex organ. Engage in it to be turned on by him. If you were always a giver, let him find it fun when you writhe in pleasure when you ask for something and he gives you it. Make him feel like a world ending emperor

This is not an excuse to just get him to do things or to make a stressed hubby have to do more performances when exhausted. It just is addressing that men love female desire for them. It makes us happy with you.

Step 6: if you're fat or have tattoos lose weight and cover up what tattoos you can, particularly the ones if they have another man's name on it.

It doesn't matter if you had a ex who was your first baby daddy, your body is for your patriarchal husband of today. He doesn't want to see bumper stickers of the past on your body. Sometimes you can't get rid of tattoos or they're too onerous or difficult to entirely remove. Don't make extra attention on them. Focus on the rest of your body and heart and mind serving him. Strongly consider doing this for your husband as a way to serve him it's more meaningful to Atleast try than to really say "but I can't babe". Do better be better. Show that you've moved on.

Step 7: if you have been in some kind of SW previously you need full panel std herpes checks and more (and to be upfront about that. People should be honest about what they carry), and to give your husband the kind of pornstar/ domestic housewife connective intimate sex experience, every single time. No exceptions

Why every single time? Because if he knows your past as she should, that will always be in the back of his head. She was a sex worker she was a sex worker. She was giving this to everyone and anyone. I need to have more of her than they ever did. He will not understand that you faked it and did it for money. Or that it was fun at the time but you're over it now. You count as fallen to him because of that. That means making him happy and seen is the way to have him accept you for you. When I say no exceptions it's to emphasis that it should be the default. Ofcourse if he initiates something random and intimate and slow and affectionate or rough and ready that's his prerogative as your owner your husband your man. But you need to be giving your best to him every single time. It's penance for the past but it's the only way to remove the possibility of guilt tripping. By making the now so much better than his imaginings of the then.

Step 8: Understand that you are going to sometimes start stop with relationships. People who say they can handle your past but eventually they can't get over it. That's why it's clear about being honest with them. To minimise this loop

Accept this as cost of the past. If you want a domestically patriarchal relationship with a man that is pure he is going to look down at your impurities. Or you can find a man who had a similar situation to you and also changed to domestic patriarchy. He will have compassion for your situation.

I am being clear about this, historically promiscuity and sexual deviance was strongly shamed. It became a point of contention such that a woman couldn't even find a man if she had a past that was known to the social circle. Meanwhile sadly men could cheat on their wives with impunity because there was a incentive for women to cover up their adulteries or infidelity because the cost of exposure was much higher for the woman in society.

In today's world it's warped. Women that show off their body and are sexually aggressive or feminine are desired because it's clear to us they have desirable bodies and they can mimic some of the sex signals of desirability we want in a wife to have her serve us with her whole self. The economic circumstances are such that they trade shame for gain.

We see the "whore" and desire her for her signals showing we can bend her to our desires.

But at the same time we resent her for her promiscuity and sharing of her beauty to all and sundry. Of her losing her excitement about sex because she's dealt with so many entitled punters that treat her like meat or they provide her thin vapid unending insincere or unearned praise that she feels in her soul she doesn't deserve it's just that she took her clothes off. Of the lack of innocence. And I don't mean that in a immaturity sense I mean in the sense of knowing too much about how to fuck such that when she's fucking it's some default way of doing things that she's learned from men of the past rather than breaking new ground with her husband.

What is the solution to this Madonna whore complex?

Focus your sexual fidelity, enthusiasm, promiscuity and deviance into your relationship with your husband in the bedroom and wherever else he deems it so long as it's not improperly vulgar or viewed to the outside world. Preserve this as a unique thing for him that you share. Give all of your energy to it in private so you can experience meek and authentic modesty in the public world.

Don't be a hypocrite. Don't shame the woman who shows her bits outside. It was you once. But understand that for you today with your patriarchal man your body is for him. For him to unwrap and enjoy and determine how to serve him. To be validated by and connected to him. To be chosen by him every single day that he continues to have tou reside with him.

This doesn't mean be a doormat but it does mean understand that you're giving your full self to your relationship. No plan B in life. Your plan A is your husband. Give that your fullest attention and pick well.

Edit: one addendum as I've had patriarchal woman mention this before about feeling financially captured by their partners. So in my faith a woman can make whatever money she wants for herself as long as she also continues her marital obligations and he of course has a right to divorce if she's not fulfilling those obligations. For your own sake as a woman that is a ex sw of somekind make a business for yourself (not using your sw skills, but other skills you learned in terms of ugc or other skills) where you earn money. It could be book writing. It could be audio series helping other women. It could be anything that doesn't bring you more suitors but does bring you money. This money is for you it's for you to keep so that you don't ever feel pressured to stay into something you don't want to stay in.

It's incumbent on you to be educated in life skills of budgeting and basics of life as well. I am not saying this to build your escape.

Be open and honest about it with your husband that you are having a business as a way to keep earning money should the worst happen. If your husband is insistent that he does not want you to have your own income independent of him, then you will need a iron clad trust formed that entitles you to a set amount of money on divorce or separation for irreconcilable differences or whatever other circumstances. Even if you don't run a business you should be educating yourself on how to financially provide for yourself. Believe it or not it is a lot easier for a woman to get a better paying job than a man in many industries. Particularly if you're outside the united states.

Finally, understand that domestic patriarchy is not for every modern woman. You are electing to give up things to get things.

The warmth of a traditional loyal man that has your back and is supportive of you and doesn't think of you as a disposable interchangeable cum dump that he has no loyalty towards or parlay with, is something special. It's not for every woman

If you are an ex sw of some kind just come into the thing humbly. Don't shame others that did what you did. Ofcourse reinforce good behaviours and norms with your fellow sister wives and friends who think similarly. But understand people have hypocrisies and issues in their private lives. Don't go throwing stones when there are just so many glass houses.

Hope this helps