How to sleep when I feel the need to sleep but deep down I don't want to sleep? I feel like I can only sleep if I'm physically drained even tho my physical body is very tired I feel the need to stay up as much as I can.

I say I want to be healthy but I feel like not sleeping is just a cope from me. I don't want to think or talk about it because I feel like if I ackknowledge it, it becomes real. I've been staying up until 4am and later then waking up at noon next day for 1 month now and I want to stop it.