I feel actually great about myself for the first time in my life.

I always had self-pitying, self-hating characteristics but I didn't show them to anyone and almost never acted based on them. Because I knew I was too harsh on me, and it kept me sane. It was the clash of thoughts and emotions.

I had a few traumatic things happened to me, mostly about health and it made me see how empty a life I have lived. I gotta be honest it isn't that empty, I made lots of memories and friends. It's just I always expected more. So I tried to walk towards that goal and made many mistakes trying to achieve it. Lots of amazing and terrible memories. I regret a few but who doesn't?

But finally, for the first time in my life, I understood myself. I'm getting my life together. It's my last year at uni and I'm glad I found myself before finishing uni. Just today I probably did more than any day since last year. I have this confidence, it feels natural. I put on a facade for years, people knew me as someone very confident but it was mostly a facade, someone I wanted to be. And now I can be that. I'm that.

Just wanted to get this out of my chest. I always blamed myself, hated lots of things I had, but it changes now.