my husbands cries over adult film i made while we were engaged. AITH?

Been arguing with my husband a lot over the past so just kinda venting for validation. I’m a 33-year-old married woman with a professional career and a husband but we constantly argue over something in our past that's been hanging over us.

Basically, our life now looks very different from where I was more than ten years ago. When my husband and I were engaged, we went through a really difficult financial period. We were struggling to keep up with our bills and were close to being evicted. He does and still work more gig style jobs so the paychecks were not steady.

I was scared, desperate, and trying to find a way to keep us afloat. It was very stressful and he wasn't much help hate to say. in my search for a job, i was offered and agreed to participate in two adult films to help pay our expenses.

It wasn't something I did lightly, but at the time, I felt like I was doing what I needed to do to get us through a crisis. I never imagined that more than a decade later, it would still be something hanging over our marriage. My husband continues to struggle with what I did. He constantly yells at me and holds a lot of anger for it.

He did know at the time i was goin and although neither of us liked it and neither of us knew what it would entail not being from the industry and such. it ended up being too much.

i did two. He didnt like either but at least the first one there was no penetration and it was more professional. the second one crossed several boundaries and I was kinda put in a position where if i refused i would have owed money which i didnt have any to begin with. For those in the know about the industry, the second one the film initials are FA. it caused me to leave the industry.

my husband has resentment toward me over it, and whenever we have a serious argument, it sometimes gets brought back up and thrown in my face. It's painful because we're talking about something that happened over ten years ago, during a completely different chapter of our lives. I've grown, our circumstances have changed, and we've built an entire life together since then.

I understand that he has feelings about my past, and I'm not trying to tell him that he's not allowed to be hurt or uncomfortable. But sometimes I wonder how long I am expected to keep paying for a decision I made forever ago. Can i never live it down? It gets old you know?

What hurts most is feeling like something I did more than a decade ago continues to define how my husband sees me today. I don't know whether he'll ever truly let it go, and honestly, that uncertainty weighs on me. I've also tried talking about this situation in other online communities, and many of the responses blamed me for what happened. Say im not marriage material and such.